Uber; s.mendes

t h i r t e e n

I sigh, heading into into my apartment after saying goodbye to Nick. I lock the door behind me, holding into the handle for a few seconds before all the emotions crashed on me. I rest my back on the door, sliding down to the ground, holding the roots of my hair to my hands as I silently sob.

Why am I crying? Crying doesn't solve anything.

I pick myself up and head to the bedroom where I stripped out of my dress and into my pyjamas. I was so angry at him. I repeatedly punched the wall, aiming all my anger at it. I halt at my punches. I let him kiss me. I let him.

I dropped the fact once I laid my head on my pillow, but that didn't result in my stopping my tears, in fact they brought more. It felt exactly like this night James died. I knew I couldn't do anything about because it already happened.
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I woke up the next morning, with my head aching. I couldn't be bothered to make anything but a cup of coffee. I curled up on the sofa in nothing my pyjamas and a silk robe.

I ended up connecting my phone to the speakers and playing the Starboy album, the only thing that could distract me. With my coffee in one hand my phone in the other, I see that my mother sent a picture. It was picture of their Christmas.

Everyone gathered my the Christmas tree, bright grins on their faces. I missed them. A lot. And oh how I wished I would be with them in that very moment.

I hear a faint knock on the door. I set my coffee on the table and go to get it. I open it to see Nick.

"Nick!" I wrap my arms around his neck, standing on my toes to reach his height. I pull away from the hug and cup his cheeks with my hands, searching his eyes before hungrily pressing my lips on his.

I pull away and grab his large hand and lead him inside.

"Ok remember how you said you wanted to see what my family looked like. I have the perfect picture to show you!" I gush. I bring the picture on my phone.

"This is my sister, Bianca and that's her husband Jeremy and their little baby girl Sage, my mum and dad," I point out a few people.

"Sage is adorable! Have you met her yet?" Nick asks while awing at sage.

"Not yet, unfortunately, but I will next time I go visit them," I explain. Before I knew it, we weren't saying anything, yet enjoying each other's presence. I locked eyes with Nick. I was so comforted and at peace when I was with him. Exactly how I was like with James.

"What are we," I found myself whispering. Nicks fingers grazed mine, sending a sense euphoria through my blood.

"What do you want us to be?" He kept his finger on mine.

"Whatever you want us to be," I locked eyes with him.

"Well then in that case, Anastasia, would you like to be my girlfriend?" He asks, grasping my warm hand in my cold one.

"Of course I would!" I smile, slinging my arms over his neck. I pulled away to give him a sweet, tender kiss.

"I think this calls for a celebratory lunch!" Nick laughs.

"Let me get changed, then I'll we can head on out!" I jump from position and rush to my room. Hungrily and quickly, I opened my closet. Finding the most suitable thing I could. Eventually I came across the perfect outfit. A black top with denim blue shorts, topped in a leather jacket and sunglasses.

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Lunch with Nick was amazing. We conversed about the fact about how society is constantly controlling  and judging us. And I couldn't of agreed more with him, nowadays every step we take, every choice we make, is going into to be criticised or ruled by what our generation or what people say. I loathe it.

I rest my finger on Nicks. With my head rested on the table I make eye contact with him.

"Your so beautiful," I trace my finger over his facial features. I would be lying if I said I hadn't been thinking about Shawn in those moments. They were so similar, so kind, wholehearted, sweet, caring and genuine. I thought the same way for both of them. That was before Shawn kissed me.

My throat goes dry, and my eyes slowly start welling up.

"I- Sorry, I need to go to the bathroom," I rapidly pace to the bathroom. I took all the time I needed in there.

Why.
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'Even though we're going through it and it makes you feel alone, just know that I would die for you'

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