Heartbreak Hotline

hope lansing

"Punch me in the face, Nika."

"I always hear that when you're speaking, Ezra, but usually it's just subtext. What happened?"

"I may have gotten a date with Hope Lansing."

"You landed a date with Hope Lansing? Victoria's Secret model Hope Lansing? What planet am I on?"

"And then I lost the date with Hope Lansing."

"What?"

"For once in my life, it wasn't my fault." 

"Really." 

"I found out that she only asked me out because her manager wanted to form connections with my dad."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Yeah, whatever. I knew it was too good to be true anyways."

"That sucks, Ezra."

"It's okay. I got to hook up with her cousin Emma Lansing, who was also at the reception, so that was a plus."

"Congratulations, you finally got laid."

"Oh, shut up, Nika."

"Want to hear a pick-up line?"

"No, I--"

"Of course you do. On a scale of 1 to 10, you're a 9 and I'm the 1 you need."

"Why am I not a 10?"

"Didn't you hear what I just said?"

"Yeah, and I'm pretty sure I just heard you say that I'm not a 10."

"Oh, you're hopeless, Ezra." [laughs]

"... Thanks for trying to cheer me up."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

[laughs] "Right. How's Landon?"

"Still single and very, very broken up. I heard he slept with Mindy Rodriguez. Is that true?"

"I think I heard him mention the name in the locker room."

"Oh."

"And today I made his life especially hard, just for you. I made twice the effort to block all of his shots. I also gave him a few bruises. You're welcome."

"Thanks. We're terrible people, you know."

"Yes, we are."