Chasing pavements

Kabanata 1: Thinking

"Yo. Xander may problema? Parang ang lalim ng iniisip mo?" Tanong ko sa sa kanya. Si Markus Alexander Madrigal, my boyfriend for 7 years. We've been together for seven long years. We had our fair share of arguments, like normal couples do but we stood strong against all odds. Sabi nga ng iba bakit di pa kami nagpapakasal. Sabi ko naman bakit ba sila nagmamadali. We're not ready yet, I think. Pero somewhere in my heart gusto ko na rin maexperience ang paglakad sa aisle, sino ba namang babaeng hindi nangarap magpakasal. Though I'm not sure if ready na ko sa responsibility, but if he'll ask me I'll say yes -- in a heartbeat. I love him. He loves me. I'm already 28, he's 30. Konti na lang ay mawawala na kami sa calendaryo, mag-iinarte pa ba ako?

"Via, wala to. Pagod lang siguro sa trabaho. Maraming kelangan asikasuhin sa hospital." He said. He's a doctor and his family owns a chain of hospital. While me, I'm a nurse. But i'm not working as a staff nurse. I'm a professor sa university na pagmamay-ari din ng pamilya nila. Doon rin kami nagkakilala, we started out as friends ended up as lovers.

"I'm not buying that excuse Xander. You've been awfully quiet this past few days. Is there something wrong?" Nung nakaraan pa sya ganyan. Tahimik. Walang imik. Nakakaasar. Hindi naman sya ganito dati. We always talk. He tells me everything kahit yung mga maliliit na bagay. Kasi sabi nya good communication is the foundation of a strong relationship.

"Just eat Victoria. I'm okay." He said.

"Pero bakit ka nagkakaganyan? Ano ba ang--" He did not let me finish.

"Just finish your food. Stop being nosy." That made me stop. Masungit sya, suplado. But he was always gentle and sweet with me. He's not like this.

I just looked at him intently. Yung tingin na parang hindi makapaniwala sa nangyayari.

"Okay. That's it! If you don't want to eat, we're leaving. Ihahatid nakita sa condo mo." Patapon nyang binaba ang table napkin, then he called the waiter to ask for the bill. At nang makabayad, he stormed out of the resto na parang walang kasama.

I was stunned. Unable to speak, sinundan ko na lang sya palabas ng resto. He was already sitting in his car nang dumating ako sa parking lot.

Habang nasa daan ay hindi ako umimik. Walang nagsasalita. Naiinis ako sa kanya. Naiirita. Kaya sa bintana na lang ako nakatingin. Nang makarating sa tapat building ng aking condo, tsaka lamang sya nagsalita.

"Marie wants go to Disneyland on her birthday." Si Marie, anak nya sa pagkabinata. Yes, nakabuntis sya at the age of 19. He was young, wild and free. Kaya nakadisgrasya sya ng babae. Although hindi nya mahal ay pinanagutan nya ito, they lived together for a month but things turned ugly so they separated kahit di pa napapanganak si Marie.

Ito ang rason kung bakit hirap kaming tanggapin ni papa. He disapproves of our relationship. Sabi ni papa, I deserve someone better, di porket mayaman at gwapo ay okay na. Ayaw nya na ang unica hija nya ay maging instant mother. At ang kinatatakutan nya ay baka awayin ako ng nanay ng bata. I can't blame him. Any father would want the best for his children. And my father loves me so much. And that was the greatest hurdle we had to conquer in our relationship -- to get my father's approval. Si mama kasi as long as I'm happy, she supports me, but not my father. He's firm. Hindi sya kayang suholan or pakitaan ng luho para mapapayag. Xander and I had to fight for our relationship. We fought and we won. Nung nakita ni papa na matino namang tao si Xander ay binigay na nya samin ang blessings nya. We were so happy that time that we went to the church, agad-agad. We didn't get married, but we said our vows to each other in front of the altar. Walang witnesses, just us, the Lord, and the altar boy na naglilinis habang nagtatakang nakamasid sa amin.

"Okay so we're going to Hongkong?" Marie is 11 years old, nakakaintindi na sya ng mga bagaybagay. So kahit hindi namin sinabi sa kanya ang status namin ng daddy nya, parang tanggap na rin naman nya. We go on vacation, the three of us. We bond. We enjoy. We travel. Kahit pa minsan ay naiinis na ang nanay nito, kasi ako yung palaging kasama at napagkakamalang nanay ng bata.

"No. Only the two of us will go. Me and Marie. Bonding namin mag-ama." He said. "Di na ako papasok sa unit mo, I want to rest early." Nasa lobby lang kami. Di nya nako hinatid sa unit ko. He kissed me on the cheek then left. That made me wonder for a second. Una, palagi niya akong hinahatid sa unit ko. Before he leaves, he makes sure na sarado ang pinto, para safe and secure; Pangalawa, dati rati hindi sya umaalis or nagbabakasyon na hindi ako kasama. Gusto nya kasi para kaming pamilya tatlo.

Something is not right. Something is off. I found myself walking towards the elevator, thinking...

"What's happening?"

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A/N: Slow edit po ito. But I hope may bumabasa pa rin. Leave a comment and vote, pampagana lang magsulat