Timing is Everything

Chapter Twenty-Two (Jamison's Point of View)

                                   Chapter Twenty-Two

Jamison's Point of View

Loud cheers, hoots, hollers, and rock music surround me. I look up after finishing off yet another beer. All of Hudson's groomsmen were out making fools of themselves. Hudson was even joining in on some of their stupidity. I look back down at the bar. When did I get to be this bad again?

When you decided to let all of your negative thoughts and insecurities win. When you opened your mouth and actually accused Lorelei of being with Hudson. When you decided to be a complete asshole. When you ruined your only chance with Lorelei; the girl you've loved since you were a young adult. God. I love her. So much.

The bartender comes back around. I order three more shots and down them faster than I should have. This is the second bar we've been to tonight. I was stupid enough to call Lorelei during our little adventure getting here. Can I be anymore of an idiot?

       “Hey man, thanks for coming out with us tonight. It’s been a lot of fun,” Hudson says while he finishes his last beer. His back is to the bar and he’s looking over at the other guys who are playing a game of pool.

    “No problem. I’ve had a good time too,” I lie. This whole evening out has contained of drinking way too much and thinking about everything I’ve done wrong.

The guys start calling our names from the pool table. They’re trying to instigate a new game of pool. I stop Hudson before he makes it over to the table.

"Hey man, I think I'm going to head out. It's been a great night! Have a good one. I'll see you tomorrow when you marry my sister," I tell Hudson. I try not to sound too intoxicated. But I know I am. I've had way too much to drink tonight. I know for a fact I made the stupid decision to drunk dial Lorelei. Oh God. That message was probably hell to listen to.

This brings back the memories of being eighteen and just drinking away the pain. It never did work, but it was a way of feeling numb. Being numb feels a lot better than this awful pain I feel in my chest. Dammit.

       "Okay, Jamison. Thanks for coming out with us. Tonight has been amazing, but tomorrow is going to be way better. I can't wait to see Meredith and touch her and hold her in my arms--" he cuts himself off by getting distracted by one of his buddies calling his name again..

Hudson's words haunt me on my way out. I know I would give anything to see Lorelei and hold her close. Why did I have to fuck up so bad?

I take a taxi to my place. If Meredith stays at the house tonight I highly doubt she'll want to deal with me, especially now that I'm shit-faced drunk. I turn on the lights and walk straight to my couch. I fall down into it and stare up at the ceiling. I've been doing a lot of that.

After I fucked everything up with Lorelei I drove around for the longest time. I could have called her nonstop, but I didn't. I didn't know what to do. I was lost. So fucking lost. I've fucked many things up in my life, just not something that means so much to me. Lorelei is the girl that knows the real me. She knows all of my secrets and she never looked at me any different. I know she can do better than me. The thought of Lorelei with another guy makes my stomach hurt and my mind go mad. Lorelei is the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with.