Save yourself, I'll hold them back...for now

You say you want my heart, just to tear it apart

A week of staying with the group passed quickly, Gerard remaining at my side for more or less the whole time. As previously thought, it was starting to seem more like Gerard had developed a crush on me and as before I'm still pretty sure I'm not gay but I don't want to upset him.

"Frankieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" the little voice came from the side of me. "Whattttttt?" I was pulled over before having a Gerard climb on me deciding to be all clingy out of nowhere. I looked at him, there was something feminine about his looks, he was pretty. He was very pretty. Like so fucking pretty but like no homo. He took my arms, wrapping them around himself and I just let him, I wasn't going to argue with Gerard. Arguing with Gerard was like trying to deal with a small child but that was taller than me and could draw a lot of attention to the situation, attention wouldn't be a great plan saying that everyone in the group seemed to love Gerard and his kind aura. I watched as he moved in my arms in attempt to get comfy.

After a short while he must have been comfortable because he stopped fidgeting, snuggling into my chest. He yawned, it was actually quite cute like the yawn of a lil puppy dog or kitten. "You're much better than the actual bed" exclaimed a tired voice, soon followed by the quiet sound of snoring from the now sleeping Gerard. I pulled up the thin blanket over the two of us, thinking about many things that really didn't matter but for some reason I ended up thinking about anyway. I watched Gerard for a short period of time while he was sleeping, watching how his expression changed at certain moments when his dream must have taken a turn for the better or worse. It was such a pure thing to watch, the way his little nose twitched with his expression or how his grip on my shirt would tighten and loosen at different points. I'd never really taken any notice of people's behaviour when they slept as it seemed odd but with Gerard I just couldn't help it.

"You both o-" I looked up, interrupting the voice before it could finish "shh he's sleeping" I whispered. It was Mikey, he seemed pretty amazed by the situation as he walked over. He spoke quietly "he's actually sleeping? Like for real?" I looked at the younger of the Way brothers with a confused expression. "What are you talking about?" He looked at me, "Gerard hasn't been sleeping, I mean in a long while." What was different about me being there that made sleep possible for the small nosed man? "Frank, he likes you. He trusts you. Don't let him down or you'll see the side of him that was on show constantly before you arrived.." This confused me, Mikey is basically pointing out that Gerard likes me but how could he like me? It's me. I'm the rat that ruins groups and wanders alone out in the world. I responded with all I could think, "but I'm not gay?" Mikey raised an eyebrow at me, "dude you realise you're laying in a bed with a guy laying on you with your arms wrapped around him." That was a true point, it certainly seemed as though I was happy with it. I wasn't exactly uncomfortable or feeling forced in the situation, it seemed pretty normal to me but I'm still rather sure I'm not gay.

Mikey just shook his head, "look after him," he proclaimed as he left the tent, leaving it in silence other than Gerard's gentle snores. Though not gay, I can say that I like this calm atmosphere and the sense of protecting someone as I can feel their soft breaths against my skin. At that, I closed my eyes making sure I was holding Gerard close. At this point I'm pretty sure I fell asleep but who knows. I didn't dream, or think. Just lay there with my eyes shut, resting. Resting my body, resting my thoughts, more or less forgetting what was occurring in the outside world.

Perhaps a few hours had passed before anything else occurred, though I am unsure. I awoke at random, Gerard still calmly curled up on top of me. I glanced around, yawning slightly, remaining as still as possible as to not disturb the sleeping beauty. I felt a grip tighten on me, almost as if telling me not to leave. This was followed by a gentle softness under my chin, I looked down to see Gerard looking up at me with a tired expression. "Well good morning sleeping beauty." He smiled as I spoke, "thank you Frankie for being a very comfortable bed." I nodded, moving slightly now that he was awake. He shuffled up a little, kissing my cheek and causing me to go bright red. As my face changed to a vibrant red he giggled, to which I frowned. "Don't laugh at me. It's not funny." Gerard just rolled his eyes and next thing i knew, his lips were pressed against mine. Fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk. What do I do? I have few options at this point for how to respond. 1) I could act offended and explain I'm not gay 2) I let it happen before I explain 3) I just go with it 4) I go with it and get more into it, not gonna lie it is pretty nice. 5) I go run and hide under a rock and die. Multiple of those options are not ideal for different reasons. I don't want to hurt Gerard because Mikey has warned me against that so I think I'll just go with it.