I Can't Take Them On My Own

Not Today.

*I hope y'all are enjoying this so far...*

Tyler**

I sat in study hall, bored outta my mind. Josh was either late.. Or not coming today, and that thought scared me. Being defenceless all day, with no one.

You.always.have.me.tyler.

I cringed

Not now...

Why.not.you.are.alone.so.why.cant.we.talk.

Because.. Im at school, stop!

Awe.Tyler.you.should.be.more.respectfull.

Rolling my eyes I continued to write.

OUU.what.are.you.writing.about?

Go. Away.

I.would.rather.stay.and.keep.you.company.

Deciding to try and ignore him again I went back to my 'song' I guess you could call it, all of a sudden the book was ripped away from me "TYLER!" my head snapped up in fear... But I regained composure when I saw Josh standing there "y- yeah sorry" he looked at me concerned while placing my note book back in front of me "what are you up too? Sorry I'm late by the way. Slept through my alarm" I shrugged "its okay" he smiled and for the first time he looked down at my paper "You write?" he smile, "yeah.. And play uke and piano why?" his smile grew "I play drums, lemme see!" he reached for my book but I snatched it further "n- no.." he looked at me weird "why not? I'm not gonna judge you" sighing I handed it over.

Hes.gonna.hate.it

Stop.

Hate!

Shut up!

H.A.T.E.

Josh looked back up, mouth open "y- you wrote this?" I nodded taking my book back "wow. You have to play it for me! Like no joke it's really good!"
I blushed slightly "thanks..." "its no problem. I call it like I see it!" I laughed slightly "so do you have any plans after school?" I looked up from writing "no?.. I don't have friends remember?" I felt bad for saying that because his face fell "I-.. I'm your friend" I could see the hurt behind his eyes..

Look.at.that.Ty..You.hurt.him.thats.all.your
Good.for!

Blurry knock it off....

You.know.its.true.i.mean.have.i.lied.to.you.yet?

Actu-

NO.IVE.ALWAYS.TOLD.THE.TRUTH.

"Tyler?" I heard a distant voice but I was too lost in my head. I knew what was happening, yet I couldn't snap out of it.

Look.at.this.Tyguy.your.having.an.episode.infront.of.Josh.and.you.just.met.him.he.will.definetly.think.your.mental.now.

Are.you.screaming?hold.on.lets.check.

I snapped out of it. And I was able to see the panic in Josh's face, n that we were in a car.. And yes I was for sure screaming "Tyler, hey.. Look at me" Josh's voice shook as he placed his hands on either side of my head "s- sorry" I breathed "what was that?!" "panic attack" I lied... To be honest, I have no clue what to call them.

He gave me a sad smile "come on. I signed us out... I wanna hear you play that song!" I looked up "h- how'd you sign us out?" he shrugged. I didn't really. But I also don't think you'd ask" he laughed.

We pulled up to a tall building and I gave a side ways glance "you live here?" I questioned "haha. No... But I don't own a piano, so... Here we are" I looked up through the windshield "where exactly is... Here" he smiled "It's my therapist's office.. There's a music therapy room.. I used to come here before I bought my drums" I nodded stepping out of the car I followed him up to the doors.

"Ah. Joshua... Your not scheduled till tomorrow, what's up?" a thin brunet asked peaking over her glasses. Josh smiled "music room, My friend here wanted to play something for me" she nodded "have fun you two. But remember, keep it PG, we have people in the building" she joked.

Following him into the room I gasped at all the instruments "whoa" he smiled "piano is right over there" he pointed to a small wooden piano.

He took a seat as I set everything up "now.. It's not perfect. And I- I'm still-" "JUST PLAY IT!" he laughed.

Clearing my throat I began.

 
I don't know why
I just feel I'm better off
Staying in the same room I was born in
I look outside
And see a whole world better off
Without me in it trying to transform it

I looked up, and barely made eye contact before returning my attention to the keys.

You are out of my mind, you aren't seeing my side,
You waste all this time trying to get to me,
But you are out of my mind,
Listen, I know this one's a contradiction because of how happy it sounds,
But the lyrics are so down,
It's OK though, because it represents, wait better yet, it is,
Who I feel I am right now,

Looking back up, I can see just how big his smile is "I- I'm still working on it.. Uh, I don't know what else to add tho" "I loved it" he smiled "thanks" I whispered. I went to stand up, but he grabbed my arm, flinching a bit I turned around. He gave a weird look but shook it off "um.. About earlier" he scratched the back of his neck "what do you mean?" he sighed "when I told you-" It clicked "Josh.. If your embarrassed about having a therapist. Don't be... I have one too." he looked relived "okay.. Okay!" he smiled. I looked down at my phone "oh shoot!" I gasped standing up "whats wrong?" I ignored him running out of the building and reaching into my back-pack, and pulling out the pills the 'Cymbalta' Dr.Lexas prescribed yesterday.
"Tyler?!" I heard Josh yell. No.. I didn't want him seeing just how crazy I am.. "Tyler oh my god"
.... Too late

He ran up to me and snatched the pills out of my hand "Josh!" I shouted his face was hard "p- please... I didn't want you seeing... Y- you weren't supposed to know I took crazy pills..." I sobbed, his expression changed "w- wait.. You thought I was going to?" his eyes held sadness as he handed me back my bottle "yeah... Okay I did... I panicked. I..." he sighed "sorry...." he was now sitting beside me, head in hands "its okay... You didn't know.." he sighed "wanna go get something to eat?" I shrugged "not really hungry.. But sure" he smiled, helping me up, he looked down at his phone then back at me "is it okay if Jax and Ryder meet up with us?" Jax and Ryder are Josh's two friends that are currently the cutest couple I've seen, and I just wish I could have something like that...

But.you.never.will.

I chose to ignore blurry... For now.

Words:1071.