I Can't Take Them On My Own

Bleeding like it don't hurt

*Whoooshh prepare for crazy emotions. I apologize for this chapter. Don't let the fluff at the beginning fool you, carry on now*⚠trigger, self harm⚠

Josh**[hmm? Yeah i know weird, six chapters of just Tyjo n now we use jish]

I loved watching him... He was so perfect, the pure excitement as he looked at the fish. "Whoa Josh! Look at that!" the exited boy exclaimed pointing to a turtle "it's so cool" his eyes were wide as he drug me along, and it was just perfect.

*****
After the aquarium I told Tyler to wait by the car while I went to the bathroom... Bad Idea.

As I was walking out the double doors I heard a scream... Tylers scream. I broke into a sprint and as I rounded the corner I saw Tyler curled up in a ball, who ever had been there obviously ran off.

"Tyler!" I yelled in panic as I ran up to him, he was shaking like mad and sobbing "Ty.." I touched his shoulder and he jumped "hey.. Calm down its me.. Its Josh..." I pulled him into my arms and he instantly wrapped his small arms around me "it.. It hurts" he cried "let me see?" he slowly pulled away and I had to force my self to hold in my gasp, his face was covered in blood and he had a black eye forming "oh ty... I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have left you" my voice broke, as well as my heart..

*****
The ride back to mine was quiet.. Tyler hasn't said much since then...

He was currently laying in my bed, my mom had gotten him an icepack for his eye and offered him some pain killers.

As for me... I was sitting in my bathroom, tears streaming down my face...

Its.all.your.fault.josh

I know...

If.you.hadent.of.left.him.alone.

Dang it i KNOW!

⚠I ran a shaky hand through my messy yellow hair, for what seems like the 1000th time since this afternoon. It was bow 8 and I was in my bathroom as Tyler slept pecfully, not a clue of what was happening in here... And that's how its gonna stay.

I slowly reached in front of me to pick up the cold pice of metal. Sighing to myself

You.deserv.it.

And I did... Slowly I drug the blade across my arm, hissing at the pain it projected but a good pain... Like you just cracked your back...
A voice in my head told me to stop.. But I just couldnt... The only reason I stopped was because of the heart breaking sound my boyfriend made.

"J-J-Josh.." he squeaked letting out a guttural sob "wh..." he let out another sob as he dropped down next to me "Ty..Tyler I..." - "shhh" spit flex flew from between his teeth and lips as he studied the marks, he silently got up and went to the sink to wet a cloth, coming back around he placed it on the crimson lines, although he wasn't staring at the place on my arm rather the bloodied razor on the ground between us⚠

"I.. im sor-ry" he sobbed hard dropping his head into his hands, abandoning the cloth and my arm I went to say something but he spoke again "t..this is my fault" my heart tightened "im terible im sorry... Oh gosh.. I- Josh I-" I cut him off with a kiss, pulling him into my lap and holding him flush against me "Tyler" my jaw was clenched and my voice wavered in tears "This is not your fault" I gritted angrily... Not at him but at me for letting all this happen. He just sobbed into my shoulder "please..." his voice pleaded and I could hear the pain in it "please dont.. Its not. Flipping. Fun. It sucks. And the... Urges they never go away..." my arms tightened as I tried to suppress my sobbs "Ty-" "I. Am. Not. Dun. *haha pun im funny*" he took a breath between each word "you. Cant" he sobbed through gritted teeth, he was violently shaking "J-Josh" he half screamed, it was full of pain... Not the same pain filled scream I heard earlier.. No. This one Held so much emotion, so much hurt it broke my heart "Im sorry.. Tyler" my voice got stuck in my throat "I love you so much Josh..." his grip tightened increasingly "I love you so much more baby boy..."

*****
Its now 3:10 in the morning and here I am, still not sleeping and I think this is the closest Tyler has ever held me.. Not that im complaining.

It wasn't until 3:30 that he started to stir in his sleep.. I thought nothing of it figuring he was Judy waking up..
NOPE!
Seconds later a scream erupted from his lungs and he was kicking and thrashing violently
"No!.." he whimpered "please... I can't lose you!" a sob escaped his quaking frame "Tyler!?" his body convulsed "please... Don't take him hes all... All i have" my brain was whirling trying to figure out what has him so upset.

suddenly he sat up with a sharp gasp, I quickly jumped back and froze waiting for his next move "Jo-sh" his breaths were short "I'm right here ty" I quickly pulled him into me "oh gosh... You... You...' "sh sh sh... It was only a dream.. I'm here. I'm alive I'm holding you. I'm never going to leave you" I soothed to which he nodded vigorously "Im sorry.. I probably woke you..." I let out a laugh and he sat up giving me a look of confusion

"I haven't slept"

"Why?"

"Not tired i guess"

"Are you okay?"

I nodded "Im fine ty.. But.. Are you okay" he hesitated before nodding

"what time is it?" he asked

"Ten after four" I replied

"Can we try to sleep?"

I nodded and he gave me a small smile. And this time I fell into a nice peaceful sleep.
______________________

Blooming heck.. I feel like im getting worse at this story... And im sorry ill try to get better... I just need good ideas, which I have none of. So hey here's a fun thing IF YOU GUYS HAVE IDEAS COMMENT THEM PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!
*ouuu and note i just got back from the mall. Was at a movie but had to be cut short. Why? Because bomb threats. Yayyy.* Anyway have a good day/night.

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