hello :3

😭 x infinity

     i am currently hiding in my bathroom pretending to take a poop bc my little brother keeps barging into my room. i appreciate my privacy.
      anyway there's a reason this called "😭 x infinity". my nonna (grandmother to all you non-italian ppl out there) hurt herself really really badly. she was in the hospital over winter break and we (my dad, brother, and i) went over to visit her when she got out. she's usually so strong (a bit clumsy, but strong) but when we saw her she could barely walk even with a brand new walker and 2 ppl helping her. it actually hurt to see her like that. and if that isn't bad enough, nurses had to keep going to see her at her house bc she was so hurt. she didn't want treatment but my grampa brought her to the hospital and she's been there for a few days again now. we call each other all the time but we can't go see each other for some reason.
     and if THAT horrible enough for ya, my great-grandma pat just came out of serious surgery. no one will tell me what's really going on, but from what i put together i think it might've been a tumor. she's in her mid 90s and like my nonna, refused treatment. she decided to just die. so then my grandma who i see every day went down to live with her for a few months. her brothers didn't even seem to care. also, now there's a rumor going around that my great-great grandma had an affair with some guy down the street, so what i've been told about my heritage might be a lie. which is a little upsetting because my heritage pretty much defines me.
     also, my dad has hit 3 heart surgeries. he's almost tied with my grampa. my grampa had a really rough patch that's really important but i can't even think about it without crying. right now it seems like i'm going to end up with another family death on the list. i've had a lot of loss in my family and i don't think i can take any more. probably only one person is reading this so i'll just admit it- i'm crying rn. thanks for reading this if you made it this far. i know it's a waste of time on both ends, but i just had to get it out.