Life As An Antisocial Fangirl

preview {please read}

This is the prologue of the story I posted about in the last chapter and I wanted to share it with y'all. Please tell me what you think because  I worked really hard on it.

Prologue

All my life I've lived in a war zone. I remember the days where as a child I would wake up to the sounds of screaming and bombs hitting the ground.

"It's the First Order." They would tell me, their eyes sad and voices worried. All my life I had lived on Jakku, one of the provinces of the country of D'Qar. For many years we had been at war with the country Starkiller. It all started the day the tyrant Richard Snoke had taken power over the country. I recall the sobs and wails that rang through my ears when the event was broadcasted over television. My little form would struggle to see behind the compacted bodies inside Niima Bar. Inside there was the only working television for miles.

When I was 9 the news of Prince Ben's killing had spread across the country like a wildfire. Rumor was that there was a betrayal, someone from the other side who pretending they were on ours. Someone who killed the soon to be king out of cold blood. I watched as the Queen struggled to keep a straight face, I watched as she often choked up in her words.

It was then that I hoped that my family was like that. That they were barely living without their daughter.

At age 10 I realized that the probability of them returning was small. But I often held onto that hope, as if it was a balloon barely hanging on by a string.

At age 11 the war had gotten worse. A weekly inspection was made common by the Stormtrooper knights of Starkiller. They made a game of beating up and stealing from citizens apart of towns who lived almost off the grid. If denied, massacres often took place. During these inspections Unkar shoved my little arms full of what he deemed 'precious' before shooing me off to some hiding spot in the back of his shop. They were small things. Usually a more valuable part of a ship or a couple of silver or bronze coins he had saved up. The items sat nestled close in my arms, as I listened out for the stormtroopers.

"We are here to inspect."

My gut churned with nerves. My mind was the complete opposite of optimistic during these times.

They're going to find me. They're definitely going to find me. And when they do, I'll be a goner.

I closed her eyes tight, letting the warm air send kisses down my face. The items still seemed to lay snug and tight in my scrawny little arms. I found my breath hitching as the sounds of footsteps had gotten closer. I squeezed my eyes as hard as I can, bracing myself for the impact that never came.

At age 12 I had become self dependent. Growing up in a war torn country meant trusting yourself more than anything. Maybe that's why I tended to avoid physical contact, choosing my own ways to be able to get what I need without having to start up some innocent conversation with the stranger next to me.

My days were all sorts of tiring but I could only hope for the best. For hope is all that I had left. Everything else had been killed in the war. And most days it seemed as if hope had perished along with the childlike dreams I often held close.

It wasn't until a year later where I realized I should've let go of that hope a while ago.

At 13 I fell in love. It was quite a feat considering that finding someone around my age in Jakku is something quite unusual. Maybe that's what caught my attention in the first place. He was quite something to look at, with brown shining eyes and curly dark hair. I've been told that he was a merchant, traveling around the world with his parents. I remember that my first feelings towards him weren't love, they were jealousy.

Often I would stand near the front of Unkar's shop, gazing out the window as the young boy seemed to let smiles and laughs slip from his lips almost effortlessly. It was during those afternoons where a feeling of fascination drove away my jealous tendencies. I often imagined scenarios in which we would meet, to talk about the weather or how the royal family had been dealing since Ben's death.

Something simple, almost naive to ignore the fact that the country is being destroyed by fighting and war at the very moment. Maybe for once fate had been on my side, due to the fact that the next morning he was standing outside the shop window. His name was Poe and I fell hard.

At age 14 we had formed a bond. He would often show up every morning outside the window. It was an innocent bliss for me. We had a special spot, somewhere where we would talk and laugh for hours, almost forgetting all the troubles around us.

At age 15 I had my first kiss. The two of us had been at the usual spot. Something seemed to have clicked in that moment because he leaned in and so did I.

At 16 my heart broke. Poe had promised me a surprise and ecstatic about what he was planning I ran to the spot. I remember the fear in his eyes and the way he seemed to look everywhere but me. He never said what was wrong, and I never knew. But eventually I learned and it was already too late. His parents had left Jakku in a rush due to the heartbreak of losing their son.

At 17 I heard the first big news about Kylo Ren. He was said to be ruthless and cunning. Someone to be scared of. Someone that will kill you on sight. A few months later the village next to Jakku had been attacked. And the rumors started soon after. The name whispered around was 'Kylo Ren'.

At 18 years of age I found myself harden. War have had its effects, turning my heart into one made of stone. My days were long and the work was rough but I always had something to be thankful for, the fact that I'm still alive.

As time went on nothing much had changed. I often found myself looking forward to sleeping. For when I sleep, I dream. And when I dream I imagine the taste of Poe's lips and the mask of a monster.