Rose

A Warm Day

"I met someone."

Her eyes looked up at me. A slow sly grin spread to her face. "What's her name?"

"Beatrice."

She scoffed. "Beat-rice?"

I stared down at my fingers shamed. She already didn't approve. "Nobody calls her that." I said quietly.

"Then what do 'they' call her?"

"Bee."

"Bzzzz bzzzzz bzzzz bzzzzz." She mimicked a bee flying into my face. Her fingernail lightly dug into my nose.

"Stop that."

"You've been stung by the bee of love. You should be grateful it chose you."

I rolled my eyes. "Shut up." I couldn't resist a smile.

Rose was always right. Always. About everything. Even when she was wrong she somehow always managed to be right. Considering her reaction on Beatrice's name alone should've been a red flag that I shouldn't have even tried to pursue her. But it was senior year. I wanted to make the last of it memorable.

"So when are you gonna ask her out?"

I looked up at Rose. Her dark brown hair seemed lighter in the sunlight. "I'm not going to."

"What! Why not!?"

"I-I can't."

I looked away. I pretended to look at something in the scenery. An ant crawling off the picnic table we were seated at. A squirrel climbing up a tree. The windmill in the far off distance. I felt a hand on mine and focused my attention on a softer looking Rose. Any trace of humor had vanished from her face.

"River. You have to move on. It's April. If she turns you down then you won't ever have to worry about seeing her again. It's time to give it another shot."

I knew she was right. Like always. I just wasn't fully sure if I was ready.

"Where did you meet her?"

"Food and Nutrition class. I mean I knew of her I just never cared enough to pay attention."

Rose gave me a sad smile.

"But she's really funny, I continued carefully, and she makes really good food."

"Better than my cooking?" Her dark eyes gave nothing away. Rose was good at that. Asking questions without showing any hint as to how she feels about the situation.

I smiled "nobody's cooking is better than yours."

"Well good I can't be having competition or else nobody will eat my food."

"Yeah..." my eyes drifted again. I felt like the memories were coming back like vomit. Suddenly and unwanted.

"Hey! How's about I help you get the girl huh?? It'll be cool I'll be like your fairy godmother or something."

It was my turn to scoff " godmother? How's about you be the tinker bell to my PeterPan."

"That sounded so cheesy I could throw up right now."

A shrill ring brought my attention to my phone residing in my pocket. "It's mom."

"Tell her I say hi!"

I rolled my eyes and answered the call. "Hey mom."

"River? Where are you right now?"

"Down by the creek, why?"

"It's getting late don't you think you should get home?"

I checked the time on my watch.

"But it's only 4."

"Yes but honestly are you doing anything that's so interesting you'd rather be there than come home?"

I looked at Rose. She was staring at me with her sly smile again. Seeing her like that always made me smile.

"I have to go anyways." Rose said to me.

My smile slowly started to fade.

I have to go. I'll see you later. I love you.

"I guess not." I responded to my mom.

"Okay well hurry on home then. I made your favorite home made apple pie and even bought vanilla ice cream to go with it. Maybe we can watch a movie together..." she trailed off.

Things haven't been the same since last year. In all my life my mother has never been as invasive as she has been this past year or so. But things change so quickly when life hits you hard.

"Yeah that sounds cool. Do you want me to pick up a movie on my way home?"

"No!, she blurted out, w-we can just order one on demand."

"Okay..."

"Get here safe. And River?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you so so so much. So incredibly much. Always remember that okay my love?"

"Yes mom. I love you too." It felt dry. Unemotional. Like I didn't mean it.

"See you soon hon."

I hung up. Things were getting harder now.

You're so loved and you don't even know it.

Fuck. Tears threatened to escape my eyes. I put my head on the table and gripped my hair.

I hurt so much.

It hurts.

So much.

"River just breath."

"It's not fucking fair Rose." The tears escaped.

"That's how life is Riv."

"How would you know!!" I was angry now. I was standing. Making my way out from the bench. Picking up my bike. Tears endlessly warm down my cheeks.

"I would know because I've experienced it. I know how unfair it is. It's worse for me. You should know that..."

I began to look up at her feeling guilty. But when I went to meet her eyes all I saw was the back of her blue read my lips t-shirt waving in the wind.