Rose

Shattered

I sped home on my bike, going as fast as I can to get away from my emotional rollercoaster ride. I wish I'd never met her. Rose. She knew me better than anyone. She knew how to bring me up and keep me on my feet. But there were times where she'd be so busy bringing me up in confidence that I would forget what went on behind the scenes at her home. And that hurt.

Her father was an abusive drunk. Often nights I would call her to ask for the homework from that day and I would be greeted with loud music and endless chatter, followed by "hey! Hold on let me get somewhere quiet!"

Rose almost never went home. She spent her nights at clubs and bars with her fake ID. But she never drank. She never did drugs. I remember that conversation like it was yesterday.

"But if you have a fake ID then why not indulge a little? It's not that the point of being a teen?"

"It all seems like fun and games until you witness the aftermath of it all..."

And that alone stopped me from pressing any further. I often heard kids at school say that nobody wants to be sober. I think Rose was the only person I knew who was fine with it. She made me promise that neither one of us would give in.

"I've seen what it does to people. It starts out harmless and it ends up badly. Sometimes even results in death. I don't want to loose you."

She was always afraid of loosing people. She lost her mom to anti depression pills. Her uncle to heroin. Drugs and alcohol had a long running fight with them members of her family. And the drugs always won.

"Do you promise?"

"Promise what?"

"To never even think about try that stuff. It's disgusting."

"I cross my heart."

And that was the end of that. I don't know if she lied and tried something but I was willing to stick to my promise. For her, I would do that.

When I got home mom was sitting on the couch reading a magazine about DIY and the likes. She looked up at me and smiled faintly.

"Hi sweetheart."

"Hey.."

Awkward silence.

"S-so, um, what movie do you want to watch?"

"I don't know what's on demand got to offer."

She turned on the tv and began looking through the options under the free movies tab.

"We can watch Spirited Away. You like that film right?"

I did, but only because Rose liked it. It was her favorite.

"Um yeah..."

"That didn't sound to confident." She said jokingly.

"Well it's one of Rose's favorites, not really mine so much."

"Oh...have you visited her at all?"

"Yeah today actually."

"Don't you think it's time you find a new friend." She said it carefully as if not to hurt my feelings. I know she didn't mean any harm by it, but it still hurt to hear.

"I'm fine mom."

"I just think it would be healthy for you to meet some new people, hang out with a new crowd."

"I don't need new people mom I'm fine." I was getting angry now.

"No you're not fine. At all. Mrs. Jamison called and invited us to dinner Saturday night and you're going."

And now I was pissed. I scoffed. "I'm not going anywhere. I'll lock myself in my room if I have to."

"Don't you dare talk to me like that. You are going and that's final. I'm tired of having you moping around. It's time for you to experience life."

"You let dad talk to you like that. Funny how you never said those words to him. And when he left you were moping around for 6 months I never forced you to do anything."

"River you are my son and you will fucking respect me. Go to your room this night is canceled. And if you mention your father one more time I'm going to ship you off to him."

And that was my breaking point. She couldn't send me to him. I would never get to see Rose. I already barely got to see her...

I stormed off to my room in a blind rage and slammed my door multiple times.

"RIVER STOP IT!!!" My mother screamed in anger. She'd had it with me, I could tell.

I slammed my door once more, hard enough to shake the house, and locked it. And that's when my tantrum began. I started knocking things off my desk, my dresser, my night table, pulling clothes out of my closet that had fond memories attached to them. Memories of a distant time that no longer existed. My books were strewn all over the floor along with my DVDs and CDs. Just a room full of memories. And then in the midst of it all, I began to cry.

I crawled onto my bed and brought my knees up to my chest. A pathetic little ball of misery. And the tears came flooding. I couldn't hold it all in anymore. Memories poured into my head making the ache in my heart ten times worse. Eventually I exhausted myself and drifted off into a deep deep sleep. Not aware of what would become of tomorrow, or the days to follow.