Let's Go There Together

Chapter 25

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I entered to our room and sat on the couch. I should have acted normally, why did I act this way? Why do I feel bad after reading one of the worst memories that have ever happened ? If all those questions would have an answer, it's because there's a little piece of me that hasn't moved on. After Adams cheating on me, after the three long years I've spent single without him, after meeting Zayn and dating him, how is it probable that I still haven't moved on? This is the excuse I've made right after i've received the freaking notification, that I'm moved on and ready to meet someone new.

Guess I was wrong about Zayn not following me because after minutes, the door slapped open by Zayn. "Do you have an explanation of what happened earlier? Not taking us as a couple? Do you try to keep us a secret? What's wrong?" He asked, folding his arms together. I got up with guilt and closed the door but he kept looking at me, his head held up, his eyes sharply focused my way, haven't moved a bit.
"I'm sorry ok-"
"Explain it." He interrupted.
"I remembered something else."
"Adams isn't it!?" He glared at me and walked around the room with anger all over him.
"Look, I'm so sorry b-"
"YOU ARE NOT!" He shouted. "I'm the one who has done this mistake. I shouldn't have got near you from the beginning. You warned me not to be your friend but, KNOWING HOW STUPID I AM, I never listened."
"What? No-"
"I AM STUPID FOR getting CLOSER to you, for getting TO KNOW you, I am stupid for LOVING YOU." I shook my head in shock. Not believing what I am hearing. I was speechless with every word that came out of his mouth. "And this is what I deserve." I stayed silent, not knowing what to say. "YOU GET JEALOUS OF ME DOING MY JOB, YOU THINK OF SOMEONE ELSE WHO KEPT HATING YOU UNTIL THE DAY HE DIED, YOU DON'T GIVE A DAMN SHIT ABOUT HOW I MAY FEEL ONE DAY BECAUSE OF SOMETHING YOU MAY DO, YOU WOULD HAVE GOT OVER IT IF YOU LOVED ME ONE DAY BUT YOU NEVER DID, YOU NEVER LOVED ME, while I-"
"Zayn I'm sorry I-"
"Just go away."
"What?"
"We're breaking up." He said looking at the direction of the window, so I'm facing his back.
"What do you mean?"
"WE ARE BREAKING UP! I hope you hear me enough to understand it."

If I was at his place, I'd get even more angrier than he is. I'd shout so loud that people would kick me out of the hotel, I would break everything in front of me: this is considered cheating. Thinking of someone else this way IS cheating.

I walked slowly to his way. I could see his reflection in the glass, his eyebrows frown. I got closer to his body and hugged him from behind. "I love you." I whispered.
"Leave me alone." I saw a tear rolling down his cheek, still by the reflection of the glass.
"I'm never leaving my other half, I'm yours and only yours, Zayn. I love you and I've only loved you." I hugged him tighter closing my eyes deeply, praying he'd turn around and kiss me and forget about what happened, accompanied with a magical sound that gets higher when I hug him closer and this is why I kept hugging him tighter and tighter.
"Fuck off." Zayn whispered back, not moving a bit, stopping all the music, as I opened my eyes and walked away. I'm not letting him do this to me, I am defending myself right at the moment. Who does he think he is to tell me to 'FUCK off'!? Being my boyfriend never gave him the right to!
"I NEVER KNEW IT WAS EASY FOR YOU TO JUST BREAK UP BECAUSE YOU SAID SO? YOU CAN NOT BE SERIOUS WITH THAT! IT HAS BEEN ONLY A MONTH AND WE'RE DONE? AFTER EVERYTHING!?"
"Am I the one who is not serious here? Or are you? The one who still has a feeling for her dead ex, the cheater, and forgets about her boyfriend? Who loves her. Do you not think I'm serious? Because I've never been as serious as I am now." I'd say no for our breakup , but he chose it so let it be.

I got out of the room, not bothering myself to close the door, and took the stairs, followed by a scary sound of a door slam and I walked in Tokyo's streets.

I never knew I'd live such a moment. When my heart gets broken again. And the unexpected thing is, it's broken by the only person I've truly loved in my life. I forgave him easily back when we were in Amsterdam, because of loving him. Now, because of a fight, we're breaking up? I avoided men to not live such a moment but here it's realizing. My heart is broken because of a sentence. I cried. I cried hardly for believing such a lie, true love. Who did I think I am to be loved? A princess? A queen? A girl who made a difference in someone's life? I'm none of the above. Never been and never will. That's why. I believed I could be loved and that's the result, a heart in his trash. After everything, we've done and said, he's simply throwing them behind because of a dead ex? He threw my feelings behind his back because of an ex?
The worst feeling is being disappointed by the one person who you thought would never hurt you. He, all of a sudden, decided to walk away, leave me with rain and storms and direct to the sunlight alone, go like nothing else happened, like I've never been there, just like that. I should have listened to my brain's advice instead of my heart's, who told me to believe in shit that everybody calls love. He said he would love me forever, but who knew forever ended today.