Let's Go There Together

Chapter 26

It was a harsh night. A night with no feelings stepped out of none of us. I was walking in the streets late at night, not knowing where to go. There was no messages, no calls, nothing telling me that he cared. Every few seconds, I checked my phone to make sure if my hopes would realize but none of them did.

I kept checking my phone until it was midnight. I walked randomly but I also made sure I was near the hotel. I don't want to be the one who calls, I don't want to be the first. Slowly, I felt asleep, and I was never ready to sleep on streets' benches, compared to a beggar. Zayn wasn't calling and he wouldn't.

Stepping into the room, the curtains exposed the moon's light which was the only thing illuminating the room. Under the window, there was that couch, where I saw Zayn, laying, his back facing me, probably sleeping.

I wish I could be facing him, seeing his handsome figure, my weakness, and apologize, or forgive. But I won't. He chose it. He decided to sleep on the couch and forget about me walking in streets that I only saw few days ago. He obviously didn't even try to look for me, he just laid there and slept.

I was wrong, i didn't completely resist my weakness. I kneeled down and played with a piece of his hair with a tear rolling down my cheek. "You never cared." I whispered, i hope he'd hear me but he didn't move, his eyes closed. I got up and, not having the power to change, I laid in bed, realizing I'm always the one who ruins everything. I ruined our relationship, I ruined our friendship, I broke my own heart and, my life is now messed up like nothing has ever been before.

Zayn's POV

Since she left, I kept crying. I insulted her. I broke her. I killed her.

It was late at night and I was awake, waiting for her to come back. I didn't call, I didn't text. I don't want to be the first like everyday. I want her to be the first this time, but also, she never did.

I was about to leave to look for her but when I opened the door, I looked behind me and remembered the moment when I came in. She was there, like an angel, laying on the couch, deep in her thoughts until I cut them with the door slapping.

She was beautiful, innocent, and she never stopped being the one I've always loved. Knowing how weak I am, I cried again, just remembering how I made her shock makes me feel guilty. But her not calling until now, proves I was always wrong, I was always the one to care, to surprise her, to take her places. In response, she laughed, smiled, and gave me that feeling I've been missing for so long. I always cared to feel such happiness when I see her smile, when she pecks my lips and whispers that she loves me in her deep voice and Geordie accent. But now? I made sure she never felt the same, she would care about me and try to contact me. But she didn't. I realized I was lied at, she was there all the time, pretending to love me. Maybe because she missed that feeling of being loved and wanted to keep it? Maybe she didn't want to disappoint me? Maybe she had no other choice at the first place? It keeps breaking me and making the hole in my heart bigger, or maybe even worse, slicing it into pieces.

When she came in, i was already laying on the couch, where she was laying at the first place. I wanted to be where she were last time I saw her. I wanted her to come back and sleep between my arms, but instead I was hugging a pillow. Her footsteps got nearer to me and i could feel her finger play with my hair, relaxing me like she's always done. "You never cared." She whispered, I could feel weakness in her voice. She was crying. She was crying because of me. The second I felt her body was laying in bed, I could feel my eyes slowly watering. I punched the pillow in weakness as I kept crying. I made her cry. I ruined our relationship, I ruined our friendship, I broke her heart and I also broke mine. I am not forgiving myself for what I've done. Never.