I Am Harlem (urban)

Chapter 6

If I should die today... If... I... Should.. Die today... Let the memories of me be happy within everyone I have encountered. Let me have enlightened the people that listened to my poetry, let me have inspired the young to strive for greatness.... If I should die.... Today... At this very moment. Let the love that I gave, be with everyone...... As I lie here on what might be my death bed, I just wish that I would have pushed myself more. Been a better role model, a better sister and mother figure to kaden. If I should die today at this very instant let me leave a legacy, for all to see, that I fought my hardest. Let my poetry reel them in and my story be told from dusk till dawn inspiring others.... Oh if I should die today......

My heart monitor started beeping again and my eyes opened as I began gasping for air. Minutes of gasping, wheezing, anything that could possibly get my lungs, my blood, my body filled with air I did. I looked around the room as my eyes finally adjusted. I sat up only to be told to lay down and get rest but I refused to do so. I turned my head to the nurse who was teary eyed and immediately knew she was the one.

"Thank you." I grabbed her hand, squeezing slightly with the little strength I had left in me.

"Thank you so much." As the doctors and other nurses went to the front to give the news to Gina. I hugged the nurse that had saved my life.

"Jackie"

"Huh?" I tilted my head to the side, confused.

"My names Jackie, look I know your going to ask me why I did it.. And I did it because know child with as much potential as yourself deserves her life to be taken from her...."

"Potential?"

"Mmhmm." She patted my hand and sat on the edge of the bed beside me. "Harlem. Well that's what you go by. I knew you from the moment they pulled you in here on that gurney."

She knew me, but I didn't know her. I didn't want to be rude, knowing that I can be very blunt at times without trying I thought before I spoke. "How do you know me?"

"Small world." She laughed. "I've heard you speak a couple times before. Out at the park, and the day you finally spoke at the club." I shook my head then stopped as I finally recognized her face. The lady from the bar.

"You know it's amazing, how much talent how much, how much drive you have at such a young age."

"Thank you."

"I have high expectations for you Harlem. Very very high expectations." She smiled at me and stood up. "You know if you ever want to get your poetry published... Get your story out there to the people beyond Harlem.. I could help you. My daughter is in Chicago. And I'm sure she knows a few publishers"

As she left the room I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. I had a chance... Me. Harlem. A chance at leaving. I smiled to myself and grabbed my notepad just as a police officer came into the room.

"Umm how may I help you?" Uneasy, feeling a drop my heart drop into my stomach I out my notebook down and watch as the police officers walk in with a sketch artist. I was nervous. Knowing that I had done nothing wrong, knowing that I was the victim in the situation I felt as if I was the suspect.

"Do you know who might have done this to you?" Tall, boney, white man walks over to one side of me and I grip the sheets covering my body tightly. Slowly feeling my anxiety rising. Hoping that the heart monitor doesn't....

"Ma'am it's okay. You're not in any trouble. We just want to help you out."

My breathing slowed and I nodded slowly. As they repeated the question I started to think about the people who had beef with me. Glancing around the room, scanning it a if it would give me exactly what I was looking for I remembered writing down names in my notebook. Instantly I grabbed it and flipped to the page.

"Cianna" I said while coughing. "She is probably one of the main people to do this. We haven't been the best of friends..."

As I got to talking the cops got to writing... It was time to get down to business.

.......

"You gone help NaeNae shop today?" I picked kaden up and held him on my hip as we waited at the cross walk. It was about mid morning and it had started to warm up some. Getting ready for a season change.

"Mmhmm" he nodded his head and started pointing out cars, and showing me that he knew his colors. The sign signaled for us to go and we were off to the supermarket for groceries.

I've been out the hospital for two days, an I'm already back up on my feet and moving around. I couldn't let that night ruin anything for me and wouldn't let it. I have things to do and people to take care of. I had no time for petty bullshit. I was way more in tune with my surroundings, made sure I knew where I was going and if the streets were safe. Since I been out Ricky hasn't come around. I talked to him the day I got out and that wasn't a good conversation

"Oh that's good that you getting out." I heard him suck his teeth through the other end like he had a problem.

"You act like I'm getting out of jail. There's no emotion what so ever in your voice."

"Look Harlem. Man what you expect from me?!" He got loud over the phone and I was not about to deal with it.

"For one you can lower yo damn voice." I was getting pissed. Disrespectful mother... " apparently you still mad at me from when I told you to leave the hospital. You got a lot of nerve to want out up a front like you 'that nigga.' Get in a damn shoe box since you want to act brand new"

"Harlem you need to watch who you talking to you acting like a bitch. I ain't the one who raped you." That's where all of it went downhill. I had hit rock bottom and I said some words that really didn't regret. If I lost Ricky I did. I can do bad by my damn self. No one needed.

I put Kaden in the basket as I grabbed the grocery list out my pocket. "Eggs, chicken breast, bacon..." I said as we walked down the aisles.

"NaeNae cookies!" Kaden pointed to a box of chocolate chip cookies. And started begging for them.

"Kaden no. We didn't come for cookies. We came for real food lil man." I handed him some ground beef, and a few pork roast chunks. "Here can you hold this for me?"

He nodded his head and sat down watching me look for other stuff. "NaeNae... Are you okay?"

"Huh?.. Yeah why wouldn't I be okay bubba?"

Shrugging his shoulders he looked around the store. I looked at him confused, and just continued shopping. We were finally at the cash register when Kaden decided to start acting out.

"NaeNae! I want to go home! Now!" He starts to throw a tantrum in the middle of the store. Which he knows for a fact I don't deal with. As people started to gather and look, which is nosey, and very rude. I didn't act out like they had expected.

"Jerimiah."

He looked at me and immediately stopped when he heard his middle name. I gave him a look and he sat down quietly.

"Don't make me have to say it again. Because you know what's going to happen don't you."

"Yes ma'am." He replied wiping his eyes a yawning. "I'm sorry" he helped me out the stuff on the counter for the woman to scan.

"Sister?"

I nodded my head. "Sister, mother, father, I do all roles. It's not easy but I'm raising him right"

She nodded in approval and finished ringing me up. Afterwards it was back home. I had some writing to do, and Kaden needed a nap.

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