I Am Harlem (urban)

Chapter 9

So that was that. The doctor decided not to argue with a woman who was so determined to give her grandson his life back. If it meant giving up hers, a nurse took her to a separate room, did a few checks just to make sure that she was healthy enough to give the blood.

“Are you sure about this?”

Dorothy laid her head back on the chair, and released a sigh of relief. She took another deep breath, smiled and nodded her head.

“Every single day of my life… Every single day. I give my heart and soul to my children whether they are really mine or they aren't. I want nothing but the best for them because in this town honey there is no way out unless you have someone behind you pushing you and giving you that strength…”

She paused for a moment and smiled at her thoughts before continuing on. “I look at my grandson and I know that he is able to reach all the goals that he says he has, he just needs a little bit more pushing than everyone else. I know he can make it to be something great and I don’t want to be the person that lets him down.” Dorothy looks over at the nurse and smiles. “So yes, I am very very sure about this.”

The nurse returns the smile, and continues the process of finding her veins and inserting the needle. As the blood begins to flow Dorothy closes her eyes and just lets it happen.

So do you know what you would give for someone? Your life, your soul, your well being for someone that you loved, oh so very much. Would you kill? Would you lie? Would you give your life in a jail cell for someone that truly loved you? A lot of people nowadays say one thing and do another. Very hypocritical if you ask me. Friends are forever is the motto. But that so called homie would be so quick to run in your time of need.. So quick to put you out there or throw your name out just so that they can get out free. So do you know what you would give for someone? And do you know what that someone would really give for you?

Sitting in the waiting room, with a sleeping baby in my arms, my anxiety out of the roof, and just no one to really be here for me is hard. It sounds selfish I know, “you should be worried about PJ” and “What about his grandmother?” Well you know what, who is going to be there for me? HUH? Please tell me that. If it wasn’t for Ricky and his idiotic comments, and if it wasn’t for PJ trying be all hard, we wouldn’t be in this damn hospital right now! …. Now back to the story. As I’m sitting here slowly drifting in and out of this sleepy coma. Ricky comes and sits next to me, groaning I started to get up, but he grabbed my arm and sat me back down.

“What?” Rolling my eyes towards him, I just wanted to go home shower and put Kaden to bed, then unwind and relax myself. But I’m here dealing with him right now. Worrying about PJ and stressing. “I really want to talk to you” Ricky sounded sincere but I really didn’t know what to believe. The look in his eyes meant something. But I was just tired and not having it. “I said what”

“Look could you drop the bitchy attitude please?”

“Bitchy attitude!” I got up and laid Kaden down on a seat, before collecting myself because I was about to raise all types of hell. “I have a bitchy attitude?” Ricky tried to butt in but I cut him off because I was in a rage that really could not be tamed at the moment. Don’t say that I have a bitchy attitude or you will get a bitchy attitude. We have never fought for this long, nor this bad before. And if we make it through this we can get through anything. “Ricky you make me sick! You think you can come in here, and try to make amends?” He tried to speak again, but I was not finished yet.

 “WELL YOU CAN’T! I am NOT about to put up with this bullshit from you or anyone else. I am going through some emotional things that are making me seem crazy and the last thing I need is you adding on to the emotional turmoil. So how about you do this. Leave me the hell alone, matter of fact I’ll do you one better. I’ll take my bitchy attitude AND GO!” Picking up Kaden I headed towards the double doors without another sound from Ricky. I had him sitting there with his head in his hands and I cared not one bit. I just wanted to go home. I wanted to be by myself. Wiping the tears from my eyes, and trying to clear my vision so that I could call for a taxi, I… I was slowly falling apart right there. Not mentally, but physically. My body shook, as I sat in the taxi, my eyes filled with tears, and overflowed like a sink that had been clogged. I was full of nothing but built up anger, and emotion. That ride home was so long, and I tried to keep it together. Only to walk into my apartment, put Kaden in his room. And slowly slide down the wall wallowing in tears. Asking myself and God if I can really deal with everything that is happening.

So what happens now? What would you do? If everything around you fell apart. Would you fall apart with it? Or try to pick up every little piece as it fell? When life seems like it will never turn around, like there will never be another sunny day for you. Nothing but grey, black, and white, nothing more than that. What do you do? I had felt as if the world around me was falling apart. And picking up the pieces wouldn’t help it stop falling. So I sat there. On the floor. For about a good two hours collecting my thoughts. Giving up a little bit on myself. Wiping tears, and trying to find Gods will. I didn’t know if it would help me or not. But it was worth the try right?................... Right?