Druggies Cant Die (boyxboy)

Apparently, Demons Have Congressional Meetings

!Note!: Kind of a long update. I know what I said about my updates being scarce. I lied? Idk, I just don't have a life so, here you go!

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Who would have guessed that geting into hell would be one of the hardest things on the planet? Not this guy apparently, because this ritual shit is pretty damn complicated.

Supposedly, you need candles and incense, and a bunch of other crap that quite frankly, confused the absolute hell out of me. But y'know what, I said that I was going to do this, and I'm not backing out now.

So, as I'm sure your lovely brain fantasized, I made a grocery list for very specific and suspicious objects. I ran to the store, and bought everything I needed. Making sure not to tell anyone about the satanic ritual that I was preparing to perform in my basement. Not exactly a "friendly" topic to bring up, when the store clerk is obviously flirting with you. Had I really found Rebecca all that interesting, I might have asked her to come along. Again, not something you can just talk about...(Sorry Satanists, don't kill me.)

When I had made it back home, my mother was no where to be seen. More than likely, she had gone across the street to the neighbor's house to hound, their toy poodle...get it? Cause, its a dog and I said 'hound'...

Y'know what, I take back what I said. Satanists, feel free to unleash hell's wrath on me. Although, actually traveling there might just put me in more danger.

We were all going to die anyways right?

The gist of it was that my mother loved dogs. But since I was allergic to them, we couldn't have any of our own. At least now I knew for sure that she wouldn't be back for another 2 hours, at best.

Running down the basement stairs, (not one of my better ideas, btw), I threw my grocery bag onto the floor, and yanked the old ratty carpet from the middle of the room.

Don't ask why I had already prepped a satanic circle, alright? I just wanted everything to be in order. (By the way, just as a side note, I found this diagram on Google images, so if it doesn't work, don't be too disappointed in me. I already have my mother for that.) 

It was around 2 days ago when I drew this, and somehow, my mother never came down into the basement to see what I was doing. This just shows you how involved my family is. I say family, but I really mean my mom and I. Curious about my dad? Yeah, so am I. If you happen to see him, tell him it'd be great if he stopped by for the first time in 10 years, thanks.

Lining up the candles wasn't the hardest part. The hardest part was reading an ancient text in what I was assuming to be Latin. (Which by the way, don't try this at home kids. Summoning demons and trying to get into hell, is what idiots like myself are here for. So just sit back, and enjoy the show!)

The incense sort of burned my nose, but I just assumed that that was a normal thing. Since I was a teenage boy, who up until now, didn't even know who the Four Horsemen were, obviously I had never burned incense. I'm also hoping, that I'm not swallowed whole by any demons. I happen to like my life, despite the fact that I may literally be throwing it away as we speak.

On a side note, I read somewhere that sometimes demons will keep humans as their own personal sex slaves. And if that is where I'm heading, I always carry a bottle of lube in my backpack.

...Kidding. Although, I did mention that I was a teenage boy already, right? Yeah, hi. My name is Keir Brenton, and I'm the stupidest mother fucker on the planet. Nice knowing you. Oh, you wanna know where I'm going? Yeah, let me just finish this satanic ritual real quick. I'll be right with you.

One of the last and final things that I had to do in order for this ritual to 'commence', I had to take a sip of red wine. Which I don't have. But I have grape juice, so I'm using that instead.