Cruel {Zarry}

45

Zayn was home now, laying in his bed. Staring at the ceiling in the dark, everything from today hit him like a wave, a wave from hell. It's funny how things turn around in just matter of seconds. Just today morning, when he left his bed, this exact same bed he was currently in, he hadn't a clue what today's day would bring with it. He never imagined that he had to do the things he did. He never imagined losing the love of his life would hurt this much. Sure, he already knew for days now that his love will be shatterd into pieces once the truth came out. He knew exactly what to expect, but how does one prepare for a pain like that?

Truth is, you don't.

Because You can't.

Losing someone is always hard and usually there is nothing you can do to prevent it. But in Zayn's case, he could. He could get the love of his life back but did he needed him back? There is a difference between wanting someone and needing someone. He wanted Harry, yes. But after what Harry did, he decided that it wasn't necessary to need him. Even if he claims to be in love with him.

Here is the truth about break ups. It feels like hell. You think you can never get over it. Never be able to live normal again. But that's not true, yes it hurts. You start questioning yourself. Was I overreacting? Maybe he deserves a chance to explain himself? So you start doubting your decision, if of course you called it a quit.

You know you can live without him.

The fact that you don't want to live without him is a whole other story.

So what do we do? Do we wait around until it stops hurting? Or we do we march up there and demand an explanation even though you didn't wanted to hear in the first place?

What hurts the most is that neither one of them said another word. We found out the truth and just assumend that we're over. Or assumend that the other person didn't want anything to do with them anymore. When is thinking for someone else ever a good thing?

Maybe there was a chance. Maybe there was hope.

If he just said something when I turned my back at him and walked away. Maybe if he had stopped me then, I would have been weak enough to forgive him. But he didn't.

Why would he?

He begged me multiple times to just listen to him. That he had an explanation. That he didn't want things to end this way. And that he loved me.

I was furious. I couldn't think straight. The need of protecting my family, friends and myself overpowerd my sense of thinking. Maybe if I just blinked a couple of times, I would be able to see the hurt and pain in his eyes. Maybe if I let go of my ego, I can see the truth on his face.
But why would I? I was the one who was treated wrong.

Wasn't I?

Another stage of dealing with a break up. You start to see yourself as the victim.

But hey, All is fair in love and war.
And where war is are victims.

It's funny, because once in a relationship with that person all those things you did together you cherish. When you break up with them, all those beautiful memories become cringes and hate. Just because we aren't together with that person anymore doesn't mean we can't have great memories together. Even if your relationship was fake for the other, it still made you happy. And to keep that memory of you being truly happy in it's value, you shouldn't hate or pretend it never happened.

Maybe it's a way of dealing with the break up. We make ourselves hate our exes just so we wouldn't have to deal with the truth. We try to protect our heart from forgiving and forgetting.

But in Zayn and Harry's case it was different.

Zayn knew what he was dealing with since he found out about Harry's truth. He knew what to expect but chose to fall for him anyway.

Zayn felt so betrayed by him, so hurt that he wanted to hurt him back. That was his plan. He wanted to kill him. But why couldn't he?

But the most important question was, why didn't Harry used the gun?

Zayn purposely left the gun behind, he hoped to be shot by Harry. It sounds strange but after he lied to Harry about never loving him, he felt like shit. He couldn't understand why his words broke down Harry. Wasn't Harry doing the same to him? So why did Harry react that way, when he found out Zayn gave him a taste of his own medicine.

What triggered Zayn the most was that Harry gave up. He didn't even put up a fight. He never said anything bad about Zayn. Or about the plan. He did the opposite, he cried how much he loved him. He begged for a chance to explain himself. And when nothing worked, he orderd Zayn to kill him.

That's what was messing up Zayn's head the most. Why would Harry do that? It made him feel like he did Harry wrong... but wasn't it the other way around?

Zayn started questioning his judgement. It didn't seem like Harry wanted to fight. It didn't seem like Harry wanted to kill Zayn. That's why Zayn left the gun behind. So Harry could shoot him and confirm Zayn's thought of Harry being evil.

But he didn't.

What does that mean? Was Zayn wrong about Harry the entire time? But what about Robin? He clearly wanted to get rid of Zayn. So why didn't Harry go through with their orginal plan.

Then something hit Zayn. When Harry ran into the factory, the boys and Zayn were in the middle of a fight against Robin and the others. And instead of helping his father, he yelled for me. He came running down to me...