Fairy Eater (a Soul Eater X Fairy Tail crossover)

Pain (GaLe OneShot)

~~ Hello ma chemicals!!! This has nothing to do with this story but I was challenged by katithekilljoy to write an awesome one shot before (her) midnight. May be sad but there will be some fluff in there. Here we go!!!~~
~~Levy's POV~~
The door slams behind me, locking me into my room alone with my own head. It's been years since I had a panic attack, but my dear old friend decided to visit once again during probably one of the most important days of my life: my one year anniversary with Gajeel. I curl into a ball on the wood floor, rocking back and forth to keep my breathing regular. My lungs feel like they have 25lbs flaming weights crushing them. It'd probably be easier to breathe in the smoke of a burning building than to live and breathe in my own body right now. I probably scared Gajeel away forever now. He never knew about my mental problems.

It's been a year since we started dated, and he wanted to surprise me today. Of course we both have our own definitions of fun, but I still suck it up and deal with it because I love the way Gajeel smiles when he's doing something he truly loves. It looks like you could give him the entire planet Earth encased in gold and he still would be happier with what he has.

Today, he decided rock climbing would be fun. I agreed. Until I found out he meant an actual mountain. I remember getting halfway up, taking one look down, and seeing the world go to black, but the most terrifying and painful part was Gajeel's scream. The scream of someone who just watched their loved one plummet to their death.

The first thing I remember was my feet pounding into the ground, running home, my ankles sore from impact with the concrete. And then I ended up here, my house. Fat droplets of tears roll down my cheeks and next thing I know I'm bawling, just like when I was a teenager.

I've ruined everything with Gajeel. He's probably worried right now. Confused. Scared. Hurt. The tears stream down my face like rivers now, and my breath keeps catching in the back of my throat. I never wanted to be the reason someone felt that way. Not my parents, not Lucy, and definitely not Gajeel. Why would I hurt him like that? It's not fair to him.

I wake up in the kitchen, my side pressed against the cold tile and my hand wrapped around something like it was my last hope. I feel the dried tears on the side of my face like glue keeping my eyes from seeing and remembering the world around me. The second they fluttered fully opened I remembered what was in my hands. A kitchen knife. And a sheet of paper in my other hand that I felt too scared to look at.

I'm not upset anymore, but I'm definitely not happy either. I'm a blissful numb. The perfect state for weighing my options.

I pull myself into a sitting position, my back pressed against the hard wood of the kitchen cabinets. There's only one thing that matters: how much pain am I willing to put Gajeel through?

If I keep living, he'd be hurt on a regular basis. Whether it be an argument, or a panic attack, etc. But if I go now...

"OPEN UP THE DOOR, LEVY!!! COME ON SHRIMP DONT DO ANYTHING STUPID! I SWEAR TO MAVIS ILL BREAK THIS DOOR DOWN!!!"

Suddenly everything comes flooding back. It all becomes real again. I'm not numb. I'm not suspended in some alternate timeline. I'm here, in my house, with my boyfriend on the other side of that door. I throw the kitchen knife onto the counter, absolutely disgusted with both it and myself. So what if I hurt Gajeel every now and then? If I die now, I'll never get to make him happy again.

The door burst open, barely hanging onto the hinges. Gajeel and Lily both rush in, and I break down crying. I can't believe how they would've looked to come in here to find my dead body. I don't ever want to think of that possibility again. Gajeel lifts me into his arms, pulls me to his chest and into his lap, and rocks me back and forth. I could hear his sniffling. He was holding onto me like I was the last important thing on this Earth that mattered. I bury my face in his black hair, happy to be with him again. "I will never leave," I say into his ear in between sobs. "I'll never scare you like that again. I promise."