I'm depressed. I know that I am. After she died I change schools. This year I have started a new school. With new people. A new beginning. But new beginnings aren't always that good. Sometimes they are, and sometimes people think you're crazy because you're the "new girl" with scars. This year is going to be rough on me, I know it is. I really hope I make new friends.
People don't really enjoy talking to me. Because I just sound so sad. My background. It's just very depressing to think about. A 12-year-old girl with a best friend who is now dead. People don't think of that as your every day, Normal life... nobody thinks about my feelings. How I feel now that my best friend is no longer with me. Nobody stops to ask me if I'm OK. Granted I most likely wouldn't tell them anyway. I really wish I had someone to talk to, someone like Kathrene. My friend that killed herself.... Kathrene. Kat was my best friend. Was, past tense, Meaning no longer. I really wish she was still here... I really need someone to talk to... Someone that understands, me.... She understood me, I understood her. We understood each other but now she's gone and I'm all alone....
I hate this feeling. Being lost. This feeling is the worst. I hate feeling like nobody loves me. Feeling like everything I do isn't good enough. Feeling worthless. And useless. I just hate it so much, sometimes I think about Kat... and how much fun she is having..... I think about Kat all the time. I wish sometimes I could just kill myself. Just to be with her again. I loved her. She wasn't just my best friend. She was my sister.... so when she died, she took a piece of me with her. I haven't been the same sense.
Having depression and anxiety at the same time is like war. Except, you're battling it with yourself. No one can feel what you feel. No one knows what you're going through. Because they physically can't feel it. And if you don't tell anyone then no one knows. Because you're just that good at hiding your pain. All the time I think I was made wrong. Put in this place just to die. Just to have a best friend and then she die. Have a heart but have it be broken.... Have a mom who's never around.My older sister Kaitlyn... And my youngest sister Abby... Kaitlyn 16... And Abby is six. I know Kaitlyn must be feeling a lot of stress but little does she know I am too... I always ask Kaitlyn if somethings wrong with her, but she never does the same. I feel as if she only cares about Abby. How Abby is doing. If Abby is OK. If Abby is hungry. If Abby had ate in the last 24 hours. She never asked me any those questions because if she would maybe, just maybe, my depression, stress, anxiety wouldn't have spiraled out of control. I would have been here happy..... but that didn't happen.....
