The Anti Hero ⥤ Rick Grimes

[13] Deja Vu

"Are you okay?" Carl asked, rocking Judith on his knee as he sat on the fallen tree. I smiled at him, brushing the hair out of my face. Now that it wasn't so matted and dirty, it flew everywhere with the slightest gust of wind. I faced Carl, and acknowledged how good it was to see the blue eyed, sheriff hat wearing teen.
"I'm good." I gave him a smile I was sure he hadn't seen. "Are you okay?"
He nodded, smiling back at me.
"I'm good." Carl responded. I brushed my index finger along Judith's chubby little cheek.
"And what about you, little one? Are you okay?" I did a pretend baby voice, something I was shocked to find myself doing. "Course you are. You're adorable."

We all sat by a small lake, and whilst some were scrubbing at dirty clothes or washing their hands in it, I sat by Carl, watching the water. Rick came to the front of the group, clearing his throat. He wore a brown short sleeved shirt and jeans. His beard was still perfectly untamed- basically morphing into its own entity right there on his face.

"We're gonna head by Noah's camp. It's about thirty miles from here, over in Richmond Virginia. It's a long drive, so we're gonna take one of the cars. While we go, stay put. Carol's got a walkie. We haven't checked the range but if you need me you can get me on that. Tyreese, Michonne, Glenn, Noah, JJ and I will go. We should make it back by sundown." Rick told us. I smiled to myself, standing up from where I sat.

We all climbed into the car, silent. Tyreese drove, whilst Noah sat in the passengers seat. Glenn, Rick, Myself and Michonne in the back. It was squishy- but for once I found myself rid of anxiety and claustrophobia.

There was light chatter among the car...but it wasn't like chatter before the apocalypse. It was talk about gas, how many miles until the car broke down...things nobody really needed serious conversations about before the apocalypse. That was, until Michonne bumped my shoulder. She turned her head slightly, so her mouth was closer to my ear.
"I'm glad you're back." She told me, her voice gentle and wary. I held a small bit of confusion in my eyes when I heard her- but then it changed to this warm fuzzy feeling in my chest.
"We couldn't lose someone else. Not after Beth."
I turned to face Michonne, a small smile on my face.
"You know, when I first met you, you asked me if I was looking for redemption. And I said no, that I didn't regret anything. I lied- both times. This group has given me redemption...and I regret not looking for you sooner."
I knew Michonne was smiling, so I was too.

I watched the outside of the window, how the woods on either side of us just kept going. It never ended.
Noah began talking about a trade, which made my ears burn. I knew that I'd missed a lot of stuff. I'd missed a trip to Atlanta to rescue Beth. I'd missed getting to know her, I'd missed her death. And whilst I considered myself grateful for not losing somebody close to my heart, I still felt a heavy weight from it. So did everyone else.

"You ever wanted to kill someone before?" Noah simply asked. I looked at him instead of the window, at the complexity in his facial emotion. Tyreese turned to look at him, he must have been surprised by the question.
"I wanted that...I just...made it so I didn't see anything cept' what I wanted. I wasn't facing it." Tyreese had gathered all of our attention.
"Facing what?" Noah pried, curiosity hitched in his voice.
"What happened. What's going on." He took a deep breath, then continued. "My dad always told Sasha and me that it was our duty, as citizens of the world to keep up with the news. When I was little and I was in his car, there were always those stories on the radio. Somethin' happens, a thousand miles away or around the block. Some kind of horror I couldn't even wrap my head around. I'd ask him to change the channel but he didn't turn it off. He just kept listening. To face it. Keepin' ya eyes open. My dad always called that 'paying the high cost of livin'."
"I lost my dad in Atlanta. Think he woulda liked yours." Noah told Tyreese. I smiled to myself, returning my gaze to outside the window. "Still got a mom- and a couple twin brothers." He paused again. "I hope."
"I hope so too." Tyreese replied.