Genderfluid Problems

Labels

As someone who's been several sexualities and is multiple genders, it feels weird thinking back.
When I first realised I liked girls (my base gender is female) I was like, "oh I guess I'm bi" cuz I'd dated guys in the past. (Fun fact: I realised it by watching But I'm A Cheerleader, which was my first encounter with anything LGBTQ+ related and my crush on Claire Danes in that movie stands to this day)
Then a while passed and I didn't feel attracted to guys anymore and said "oh I guess I was a lesbian all along" and stayed that way for a while. (It certainly helped keep creepy guys away."
Then I got a crush on a boy and freaked out. Cuz at the time, I thought sexuality was set in stone and I'd somehow fucked up.
Once I got over that I was bi again until I got bored and looked up sexualities and found pansexuality and realised that fit better than bi.
And thus I was a content pan girl for a long time.

Then I started having days where I hated my body. My boobs were awful and my vagina was annoying. I wanted to be a boy, badly. Then the feeling would pass. And I'd be a girl again and be fine. Then I didn't feel like I had no gender at all and freaked out. How could you not have a gender?
So I googled again. Found nothing.
Until I watched RolyUnGasha on YouTube and he did a video on genderfluidity and suddenly everything made sense.
I was so relieved that nothing was wrong with me. I'd thought I was going nuts.

And after each realisation, I came out again. After the second coming out, I was worried my friends would think I was an attention seeker who had a different sexuality every twenty seconds because I knew someone like that and the rumours that went around our school about her were awful.
Luckily, I didn't get that and I'm so grateful.
It helped that I always explained, "I thought I was a lesbian" or "I thought I was bi" or "I thought I was cis but it turns out I'm not"

To anyone out there, it's perfectly fine to not know what you are and its fine to find something that fits you better and change your label. It's also fine to not label yourself; it's not a requirement.
Just do what makes you happy and fuck everyone else.