Genderfluid Problems

Life

God the apathy is back with a vengeance.
Caring about things anymore is a daily struggle.
I should be happy because things are actually going okay for once and yet, there is a void in my mind right now.
I don't even know why I'm writing right now. I guess I haven't updated this in a while and I thought, "Hey, might as well."
Everything feels like nothing to me right now. I put on a face for people to think I'm happy because I should be but it's just vacant.
I hate this feeling.
I haven't had this in a long while and I thought I had beaten it, but here we are. (Btw, apathy is a big symptom in my particular case of depression.)
Even my gender had been apathetic. I've been agender for two weeks straight. It's like, since I don't care, I don't have a gender. It's weird how that works for me.
It concerns me that the apathy is back because that's a sign that things are going to get worse.
Like, my mom picked a fight with me today and I knew I should have been mad but I just... wasn't. She's like, "You wait till I get up," which is Mom-speak for, "You're about to get your ass beat." And all I said was, "So?" and that made her mad. Honestly, I couldn't care less if she actually did hit me. The way I've been feeling, it would be a gift, since I would be feeling something.

I'm gonna go before I spiral down into my thoughts and get worse. Cat videos might help, so I'm going with that.