Set Me Free

'...I didn't see how I could fail.'

"The silence stretched out between us as I stared at him, the tears blurring my vision as I waited for him to save me from this torment. Surely he could find a way."

For the second time in two days, I woke up not in my bed. Except this time, I had been here once before. Rolling over, I see Daniel soundly asleep next to me. I take a second to take him all in.

He looked peaceful as he slept there and I couldn't help but feel envious of him for it. Each night, nightmares of three years ago overtook my peaceful sleep. I would wake to the look on Paul's face when he told his henchmen to kill me, that dead and emotionless stare. Sometimes, I would wake to see Daniel walk away from me. I didn't know which nightmare was worse.

I watched Daniel for a while. Watched as he breathed in and out, as his eyelids fluttered while dreaming, watched as he lost himself in whatever he was dreaming about.

For the second time, I planned to sneak out.

I got up out of the bed and looked for my shoes that had once again been placed neatly by the front door. I see two vodka bottles laying empty on the floor and I know in that instant that I was drinking again last night.

The whole night was a little hazy in my memory. I remember turning up on Daniel's front door, I remember thanking him for saving me once again. I don't remember what I said after that.

I don't know what brought me here last night, but some part of me regretted doing so. Something told me that I wasn't on my best behaviour last night. Lately, I wasn't the politest of all people I had been told.

That was why Holly had moved out.

I didn't blame her for leaving me, after Daniel left I turned bitter and aggressive. Holly didn't deserve to have my anger directed towards her, however I couldn't stop myself from doing so. That's when I started drinking. She hated me for what I was doing to myself, for who I had become, and soon left me by myself to drink myself into oblivion.

I deserved to be left alone.

I wasn't very good company lately, even my own mother thought so.

I had stopped going to visit her months ago after yet another lecture about what I was doing to myself. What she failed to understand was that I knew everything that she was telling me, I was aware of the person I was now. That didn't mean that I could stop.

I had tried on many different occasions to stop drinking, to become friendly, more open. Each time I would fail and end up hitting rock bottom ten times harder than I did before. I couldn't handle the failure each time I tried, I couldn't handle the fall anymore. So I stopped trying and accepted that this was who I was now, that maybe I was beyond help.

Then Daniel walked back into my life.

I wasn't under the impression that he could save me from myself, but I wasn't without a little hope. If anyone could reach the deepest and darkest parts of myself, the parts of me that even scared myself, it was Daniel. If anyone could understand me, it was him.

Yet, I didn't expect him to have to help me. I wasn't his responsibility; I wasn't his to look after. He had his own life and I wasn't a part of it. There was probably no place for someone as broken and damaged as me to fit in.

I put my shoes on and make my way to the door.

"Sneaking out again?" I hear him say behind me as I managed to open the door halfway. I had been caught once again. Maybe I wasn't that good at this sneaking out thing.

I turn back to look at him, sitting up against the head board on the bed, naked chest on full display. I couldn't help but let my eyes wonder all over it. Even in the warehouse, I had never seen Daniel without a top on, it was an impressive sight.

I simply shrug in reply, letting the door close and stepping back into the room. I had no explanation that I could give him without sounding like an asshole, so I didn't give him one.

"You know, it's usually polite to say goodbye to the person whose room you crashed last night," he tells me. I smile shyly in response.

"I haven't been very polite lately, I guess I forgot my manners," I tell him.

"You could say that again, you stopped by at a very unsociable hour last night. I was all tucked up in bed before I heard you banging at my front door."

I can't tell if he is messing with me or is genuinely a little peeved at me for stopping by last night. Either way, I can't keep my anger at bay.

"I won't make the same mistake again then," I say and make my way back towards the front door, determined this time to leave. Before I can even get the door open, Daniel is there keeping it closed. He stands close to me, too close that I can barely think rationally. All I can think of is having his skin against mine, to have him hold me like he once did. These thoughts were dangerous, irrational, but it was all I could think off.

I look into his eyes to see the same look of lust on his face. He must be thinking the same thing as me.

"Did you mean what you said last night?" he asks me, "that you needed me?"

I almost hide my face in embarrassment. Unfortunately, drunk Elizabeth was a truthful Elizabeth. It usually got me in awkward situations like this one.

"Yes," I admit, deciding the tell the truth while sober for a change, "I did need you, but you weren't here."

His eyes change as I say this, almost looking guilty. I didn't want to make him feel guilty for leaving, I understood why he did it. I just wanted him to know what it did to me, how it left me.

"I'm sorry Elizabeth," he sighs, "I thought you would be better off without me."

I'm lost for words. How do I explain to him that he was all I needed to feel okay, that he was all I needed to be me? How do I look him in the eye and tell him that my worst nightmare is him leaving me? How do I tell him how much of a mess I am without him?

"Well I wasn't," I admit, "my life fell apart. I lost my best friend, my mother barely speaks to me and I lost you. I have no one to help me and by myself I have fallen to deepest depths of rock bottom. I always thought I was so strong, that I would be able to overcome anything, but I was wrong. This has beaten me, and I'm broken as a result." Tears come pouring from my eyes as I admit all of this. I lower my face in embarrassment to hide my tears. Lately, all I feel like I have been doing is crying, surely at some point I won't have any more tears left to cry.

I feel soft hands under my chin, gently tipping my face up until I am once again eye to eye with Daniel. He uses his thumb to wipe away each tear that falls, however this somehow makes them fall harder.

No has been this kind to me in so long that I don't know how to react to it.

"I'm here now," he tells me, "and I'm not going anywhere until you are okay again. We're going to get through this together. Maybe this is how we should have done it to begin with."

I smile shyly at him once again, nodding in acceptance of his offer. He was here now and there was no way I was turning down his offer of help. I knew that I needed it. I wanted to be me again, the me without bitterness and vodka. I truly believed that Daniel may just be able to get me back there.

"Thank you," I whisper to him, pulling him to me by his waist so that we are embracing. Hugging him felt just as good as I remembered. In his arms, I felt safe, protected, like the world outside wasn't trying to get me.

He hugs me back just as hard, like he was trying to fuse our bodies together with this one embrace. Some part of me was happy to see that he still needed me too, even if it was only a little part of him.

It was going to be a tough road ahead, but with Daniel by myside, I didn't see how I could fail.