Set Me Free

'One day, I was going to be okay again.'

"Life is an awful, ugly place to not have a best friend."

I wasn't scared of many things anymore.

I could now walk down the street without having the sinking feeling in my stomach. I could walk into a room full of people and face them head on. I could come face to face with murders and thieves and not be overtaken with terror.

I was scared as I stood at that front door.

I needed to make amends, to patch up the relationships I had so selfishly thrown away. I needed to make Holly forgive me.

I never once felt ill towards her for leaving the way that she did. I was becoming more hassle than I was worth and I completely understood why she had to distance herself from me. I would have done the same.

Now I needed my best friend back, I missed her. She was the one person who had always been there for me, the one person I could usually rely on for anything. I missed that.

Taking a deep breath, I raise my hand and knock on the front door. After a few minutes, the door is swung open and there she stands, my best friend.

She's holding a tub of ice cream, fresh tears drying on her face. Dressed in sweatpants and her hair up in a messy bun, she looks the picture of sadness.

I want to pull her in my arms and hug her.

"Holly," I breath out, taking in the sight before me.

Now she really breaks down.

After one look at me, she erupts into sobs, tears pouring from her eyes. She drops her tub of ice cream as she pulls me into a hug and holds on so tight I have a little trouble breathing. I don't care. I hug her back just as tightly, only now realising how much I had missed having my best friend in my life. This girl was my soulmate; I couldn't live without her.

"I'm...So...Sorry," she hiccups out, still clinging onto me.

"No," I argue back, my own tears starting to pour from my eyes, "I'm sorry Holly. I'm so god damn sorry for everything."

We stand like that for a while, both of us caught up in the reunion.

She pulls back slightly to look at me, her eyes red raw, her eyes and nose still leaking. I know for a fact that my top is now covered in tears and snot and I couldn't care less. It was a sign that I had Holly back.

"Come in," she tells me, kicking the rapidly melting ice cream to one side as she closes the front door.

Her living room is a mess. There are tissues everywhere, clearly used to dry tears. Empty take away packets litter the tables along with the cutlery used to eat it. In the background, 'Titanic' is playing on the TV. What I see shocks me. Holly had always been the clean on out of the two of us, the one remembering that we needed to clean up more than every two weeks like I would have done. This room was so un-Holly.

"What happened," I ask as I perch on the side of the sofa, there not being much room for me to sit anywhere else.

"Stuart and I broke up," she cries out, reaching for another tissue and throwing this to the side once done.

This breaks my heart. Stuart and Holly had always been such an ideal couple, everyone always thought so. They were insanely happy and once Holly had decided that she needed a break from me and my dramas, her and Stuart decided to get a place of their own. I never imagined that he would walk out on her.

"Oh Holly," I say, pulling her back in for a hug.

"I...caught him cheating...one me...with his co-worker...the one I met at the Christmas party...I knew I hated...her for a reason," Holly chokes out as she sobs on my shoulder. I just hold her tighter, letting her get it all out of her system. Sometimes, when your heart is breaking, all you need is a good cry.

"What an idiot," I tell her, "a true asshole."

"He was the love of my life," she wails.

"Exactly, he was. Holly you are far too good for that idiot trust me. You need a man that knows he has a diamond of a catch, not one that is always looking out over the horizon for something different. You're the type of girl a guy should be tripping over himself to marry."

"You really think so?" she asks, raising her head from my shoulder.

"I know so Holly. You're my best friend, we know these kind of things."

She smiles at me, reaching for another tissue to wipe off the remainder of the tears.

"But I haven't been a very good best friend to you. Elizabeth, I'm so sorry for leaving you like that. You needed me and I just walked out, left you to defend for yourself. It was selfish and stupid of me; please can you forgive me?" Holly begs.

This isn't the reaction I was expecting.

I thought she would yell at me; tell me I was an idiot for the way I handled things. I at least thought that she would make me beg for her friendship back. The last thing I imagined was her to apologise to me. In my eyes, she did the right thing. I was a mess, a disruption and in that moment beyond help. I didn't want to listen to anyone, I didn't want anyone's help. I wanted to drown myself in my sorrows, to forget one shot at a time. She needed to be free of me, to be able to live her own life without me dragging her down.

"Are you kidding me? I'm the one who's sorry. Holly, I was an idiot, a major idiot. I was lost in what I believed would heal me and I was wrong. I didn't want to accept your help so of course you had no choice but to leave. I came here today to tell you that I'm sorry for the way that I behaved and that I am currently in the process of getting my life together. I hoped that you would want to be a part of it once I was done?"

She smiles at me then, a true smile.

"Shall we call it even and just say we both made mistakes?" Holly shrugs.

"Deal," we shake on it.

"And of course I want to be a part of your life. I'm so proud of you having the courage to do it."

"Thank you," I say, "now it's your turn. First things first, we need to sort this place out. Non heartbroken Holly would have a fit if she saw this, we best get this cleaned up before you come back to your senses and realise what a mess you have been living in."

She looks around her apartment then, really looks around. I see the exact moment in her eyes when it dawns on her, the shock and horror of what has become of her living room.

"Oh my god! I have been living in filth," she screams as she stands, taking in each dirty plate one by one.

"Let's do this!"

We spend that afternoon cleaning Holly's flat. Music blaring in the background, we tackle the mess that she had made since Stuart broke her heart. It takes us hours of deep cleaning, but finally the living room looks sanitary once again. I no longer feel like I need a tetanus shot once I leave.

Once done, we both collapse back onto the sofa, exhausted from the work of cleaning. I convinced myself I had done my quota of exercise for the week in this one afternoon.

"Thank you," she smiles at me, sipping on the cup of tea we had just made.

"Hey, what are best friends for if not to help you sort out the messes in your life."

This morning, I had been so scared to knock on that front door and face Holly once again. So ashamed of what I had done, I was terrified that she would never forgive me. It was going to be a long road ahead and is wasn't always going to be a smooth journey. I had a long way to go before I was the old Elizabeth once again.

Now however, it seemed like more of a possibility. With my best friend on one side and Daniel on the other, I was sure that I could overcome this.

One day, I was going to be okay again.