The NeverEnding stories

Crush

Keluar sahaja dewan, aku terus cabut jubah konvokesyen dan pass kepada orang belakang, aku buat cekap seperti yang diarahkan semasa raptai semalam. Air mata masih membasahi tubir mata, tapi aku sedaya upaya tahan. Aku dah nampak ayah melambai dari tempat duduk ibu bapa. Tangan yang masih menggigil, aku genggam.

Alhamdulillah, thank God.

Hari ini, 12 March 2017, result spm keluar seperti dijangkakan. As expected, Aku dapat sebijik macam apa yang aku target. Deretan A bersama simbol + diatas slip peperiksaan aku pandang puas. Terasa beban selama ini jatuh bila mana nama aku diumumkan tadi.

You deserve to be here, Amanda. You worked hard for this.

Baru aku ingin melangkah mencari ayah, tangan aku ditarik laju. Aku cuba tarik kembali, namun pegangannya kuat di sekeliling pergelangan tangan aku. Memaksa aku menuruti langkahnya. Dari pakaiannya dari belakang, aku seperti dapat teka, siapa dirinya. Sekelip mata, badan aku ditolak ke dinding belakang blok.

" Wehh, I know this is not the right time to do all these. Believe me, this is the only chance I got to talk to you. Amanda. I won't be here for the next six years. So please listen to me and I promise it won't be more than five minutes. "

" Zafran, can we talk later, I have to see my-"

" Manda, please. You know, I never have the courage to say this, so please at least hear me first."

Jeda. Aku dapat lihat dia menunduk, mengumpul nafas. Tangannya menggenggam slip result yang sudah konyok.

" Amanda, I've been trying to confess this before Spm, but back then I felt like I was too young to talk about this shit. And I want you to know that I'm dead serious about this kinda thing. I really hope that I can do this in a proper way, but it doesn't seem possible. So yeah, here we are. "

" Ever since we met, I always knew that you were different. It was like I've totally fallen for you for no reason. And yes, I've a crush on you since then. The fact that we were not meant to be in the same class really created a gap between us. I was dying to see you everyday. Oh ya, aku tak pasti lah kau ingat ke tak, You know why I declined the president position offer for Rumah Biru at the first place? Yes, it's all because of you Manda, I wanted to be with you, in Rumah Merah. Even as a budak angkat barang je, its okay as it made me closer to you. It may sounds childish, but what else can I do? Dan pasal tote bag burung hantu kau yang hilang masa form4 tu, dia tak hilang, tapi aku yang ambil. Aku nampak kau tertinggal beg tu kat bus stand, esoknya aku nak pulangkan, tapi aku malu. Zafran two years ago was so shy, he can't even talked to his crush. "

Aku hanya diam, terus merenung matanya lama bila dia sedaya upaya mencuba untuk mengelak bertembung dengan pandangan aku. Aku terharu sumpah, aku terharu. Kenapa selama ni, aku tak pernah nampak kehadiran dia. Bila budak kelas Alfa dan Beta sibuk bercerita pasal budak hot Kelas Delta, aku cuma diam tak ambil tahu. Tapi hari ni, budak tu datang jumpa aku, mengaku kononnya pernah suka aku. Ungkit segala macam benda yang selama ni aku tak perasan pun.

" In two hours from now, I'll fly far away to Auckland. So this might be the last time we talk in person Manda. So listen, six years from now, I'll be back and find you and, InshaAllah if possible, I'll do it in a proper way to make you mine. So I'll let you decide everything there. Mark my word Amanda. "

Itu sahaja, selepas itu, dia bergerak meninggalkan aku. Aku yang hanya mampu terkaku melihatnya pergi. Aku yang hanya mampu menyoroti langkahnya sehingga dia menghilang ke dalam BMW miliknya.

" Hey, darling. Why're you here? "
Aku angkat pandangan, ada ayah dengan senyuman biasanya.

" Hey, why are you crying, you should be happy darling."

Entah aku pun tak tahu kenapa aku menangis, ini bukan nangis gembira sebab result hari ni, ni macam rasa kehilangan. Ya, kehilangan.