Kevin Hart Life Story

My First Time Cursing

*Hey guys! So I've decided to make something i didn't create to give my mind a break (hey that rhymed) so why not write and give someone else the spotlight. For those of you who don't know who Kevin Hart is, leave now before i smack ya upside the head. He is the best comedian ever. Anywho, enjoy*
 

       Let me tell y'all about my first time cursing. I'm at school right? The bell rings, all the kids are running out the door to go home. My teacher, Mrs Greene, calls for me. "Kevin come here." I walk over to her and she's writing a note. She staples the note to my shirt and looks at me. "Make sure you're mother reads that note when you get home." I said, "alright."

         Now, I get home, my mom reads the note, crumbles it up and throws it in the trash. The note said, "maybe if your son got enough attention at home, he wouldn't be acting up during class." My mom got so mad, she goes goes off. "You tell that teacher of yours to mind her damn business before I come over there, and I beat her ass." Now, keep in mind, I'm a kid. I'm getting permission to curs my teacher out for the first time. So I was confused. I said, "okay, do you want me to say it in that order? Or...what do you want me to..."

"I said tell your teacher to mind her damn business, before I come over there, and I beat her ass."

"Yeah i know what you said, it's just do you want me to say it like that? Or do you...?"

"Kevin, if I say it one more tine, I'm gonna smack the shit out of you."

I just said alright and went into my room. Now remember, this is once in a life time opportunity for me. So I gotta practice. I don't want to mess it up, so I'm looking in the mirror and rehearsing how I'm gonna say it. I'm all like, "my mom told me to tell you...to mind your DAMN.... No it's too loud. It's too loud."

Finally I get it down and I go to bed. I go to bed early, 'cause I've got a big day tomorrow. I need to be rested

The next day, I get on the bus, my friends see me, they go off. "Yo, Kevin!" I'm like, "yo, I can't do this right now. I got a lot on my mind, i need to focus, man."

"What you talkin' 'bout Kev?"

"Just know that it's about to go down."

They say alright, we get to school, we go to class. I see Mrs. Greene shaking hands greeting the kids at the door. It's my turn, and she looks down at me.

"Kevin."

"Mrs Greene."

"Did your mom read the note?"

At one point I turn to my friends and mouth, "it's about to go down." I looked back up at Mrs. Greene and say, "yes. I. Did," with such confidence.

"What did your mom say?"

"She wanted me to tell you.....to mind your DAMN MUTHA-FUCKIN BUSINESS BITCH!"

I swear to god, I couldn't stop.

"YOU STUPID BITCH! YOU STUPID BITCH! ONE PLUS ONE EQUALS WHAT THE FUCK IT IS BITCH! FUGLY ASS NO NIPPLES BITCH!"

My friends in the back ground are like, "ooooooohhh! He said she had no nipples!"

I got suspended.

I come home that day, my mom goes off. "I told you to say two cuss words. You said twenty seven of them."

But hey, all i can say is....I couldn't feel my ass the next morning.