Kevin Hart Life Story

Babysitting

I don't like babysitting.

I can admit that. I don't like watching my kids by myself, too much pressure. No man does. No man is a good babysitter.

I can tell you how every man watches kids, this is what we do. We sit on the couch, and listen for shit. That's how we watch our kids, kids do whatever they want when they with dad.

"Hey! Hey! I know you're not in that toilet! Y'all better not be in that toilet!"

We ain't gonna do nothing.

I definitely don't like watching other people's kids. It's too much pressure. There's nothing worse than watching somebody else's baby, then you give them their baby back in the condition they didn't leave their baby in. Like have you ever had to explain something to somebody before they see their baby?

"Hey! Real quick, before you look at your baby, let me ask you something. Uh, your baby had two eyes for sure, right? Okay, so what happened here. Um......long story short, gas went off in the kitchen, blew the back of your baby's face out. It was crazy! My baby knew what to do, he got in the oven. Your baby just stood there."

I had one little girl get hurt over at my house. It was the scariest thing ever man. My daughter got real big bunk-beds. I'm in the living room watching TV. Her and her friends are in the room playing. Out of nowhere, I hear a loud bang. Little girl starts crying.

I come in the room, all the girls are standing around her. The one girl is on her knee looking at her face to face. This is what almost made me laugh. When I came into the room, the girl looked at me like, "Mhm, mhm, mhm."

But I can't laugh because I'm in parent mode. I got to figure out what happened. So I go to my daughter. It's her room, she's responsible. I said, "Heaven come here. Come here! It's your room, you're responsible, what happened?"

It's very hard to take a kid out of play mode. When kids are playing, they don't know that shit just got real. So in her mind, it's still a game.

This is what my daughter did. She said, "HEEEEEEEEYYYYY! DADDAAAAAYYYY!"

"What the hell is wrong with you?! Stop! What happened?"

This is exactly what my baby told me. She said, "We got monsters daddy. The prince came out and told us to get in the castle. The castle was on top of the bunk-bed. When we got up there, there was too many people in the castle. Soooooo, somebody had to go. We took a vote, she lost, I kicked her off."

"Wait what?"

"I kicked her off daddy, it could have been anybody."

My baby made an executive decision. I was like, alright. She had to go, I get it. I understand.