Seriously, We Should Definately Make Out (pete wentz)

Chapter 14~ Showers and Walks

Chapter 14~ Showers and Walks

Pete's POV

I slammed the door behind me and trudged into the guest room's bathroom. I knew she wouldn't follow me, but I wanted to be hidden just incase. I honestly didn't mean to lash out on her, but she couldn't see me this way. If she knew how broken I was, she wouldn't want me. I didn't know why she wanted me in the first place.

I locked the bathroom door and sunk down to the floor, holding my knees to my chest. The cold sweat still covered my body and the shakes still rhythmically tore through me. I clenched my jaw and rubbed my face- a habit I had acquired over the years when I was scared or nervous.

That dream- it seemed so real. Maybe because it was, but it seemed as intense as it was when it happened. The memories of my struggles vividly swam through my head. The harassment, never being good enough, cutting, attempting suicide, basically everything that made me want to die. This panic attack may have been worse than the one I had most recently.

I turned the shower water on and stepped in, not bothering to remove my clothes. I let the water splatter on my face in an attempt to drown the emptiness and drive away the memories. After moments passed without helping, I frustratedly hit the wall. Why did this have to happen to me?

Why isn't my medicine working yet? Normal people might take an extra pill, but there's no way I'd ever exceed taking one. It'd remind me of the overdose and work me up even more. Even that thought provoked a deeper reaction within me. I remembered how I had to take multiple drinks of water to wash the dozen pills down my throat. The way my stomach churned and tried to fight my motives to keep it down.

Nice going Pete, you somehow made this panic attack worse. I felt like I was going to explode. I was hyperventilating and I couldn't stay still. I wreathed around and got out of the shower, searching for a distraction.

I opened the drawer of the vanity and pulled the extra razor blades out of the box. I held it in my hand for a minute, maybe subconsciously telling myself not to do this. I felt the cool metal on my palm and squeezed my eyes shut. I knew that doing this would ruin the progress I had made over the years. But I felt like I needed to.

I opened my eyes and positioned the blade in my fingertips. I dragged it over the sensitive skin of my wrist, wincing in pain as I watched the droplets of liquid appear on my skin. After a few slashes, I hid the blade and places a bandage on my arm. I ran into the guest bedroom and replaced my clothes and walked quickly into the living room.

Ryder was sat on the sofa with red rimmed eyes. Did I cause that? She saw me and grabbed a cup from the coffee table. "I made you a coffee. Just how you like," she smiled faintly as she walked towards me.

I stepped back and said, "I'm taking a walk." I needed to get to Patrick or Brendon. The words must've came out harsher than intended because her face fell.

"Please tell me what's wrong," she begged.

"I need to go!" I accidentally shouted and ran outside into the cool night air. My attack was getting worse seeing her so upset, I couldn't take it anymore.