Only Friends (Only Friends Book 1) On Hiatus

Chapter 4 : Just Keep Breathing

I walked out of Grey's house, and took one last look at the bright red door that was now closed. Flowery curtains hung in in the windows casting silhouettes onto to the porch. My favorite bench swing hung moving back and forth slightly in the cool breeze. I was procrastinating. I shouldn't have been, but I was.

I took a step forward, knowing that each step I took was just one more away from the picture perfect family, the one I wished I could have had, and one more closer to the one I would never wish upon anyone. My nerves were getting the best of me as I crossed over my neighbors lawn onto my own. Palms sweaty and breath shaky I climbed the cracked up stairs that led to my white door, now tan and worn.

I wiped my hands down the front of my jeans to try to get rid of the sticky feeling and so I could grasp the door nob better. It twisted in my hand as the cold metal bit into my palm. Knuckles white I push the door open and walk in. I slipped off my shoes quietly hoping not to disturb the silence that filled the house. I hoped and prayed that my mom had fallen asleep on the couch in a drunken stupor like she had countless night before.

The keys were not hung up on the rack showing my dad had yet to come home. If I'm being honest I don't care. It's not like he makes life any easier. Mom doesn't act any less insane then now, and I have to worry more about them judging every little thing I do. You may have heard two is better than one? I can assure that is not always true.

As I walked past the living room on my way to my bedroom I glanced in, expecting to see my mothers useless body laying crumpled up with the television playing "I Love Lucy" silently. I was wrong. I cautiously stepped further towards the room. As I got closer I notice the light in my living room is on. Panic sets in and I hurriedly make it the rest of the distance to my safe haven.

Standing in the doorway I look down at my mother searching underneath my bed. I can feel the blood leave my face. I was left standing there looking like I had just seen a ghost. My mother scoots out from under my previously neatly made bed holding onto the small tin I wished she wouldn't have found.

She catches a glimpse of me her face hangs low with the most unattractive frown.

"Care to explain what I'm going to find in here? You look like you're scared meaning you have something." Her voice gruff and holding back all the anger I knew was just sitting at the tip of her tongue. I stand paralyzed, unable to form a complete sentence.

Her hand moves to the latch that'd holding the little box closed. She opens the container and I sharply exhale. There they were. The pack of cigarettes.

"Your father is going to hear about this. Go to bed, I can't stand to look at your face."

She pushes past me, closing the door behind her with a loud bang. I flinch at the noise, tears streaming from my eyes. God, why do I have to be such a fuck up all the time. I remove my contacts and slip into bed, my body still wracking with sobs. My heavy eyelids closed and I fell into a fitful sleep.

///

I was up and out of my house before 6. I didn't want to be in that house anymore. Now I was sitting perched on the bench swing on Grey's front porch. At around seven my best friend opens the door and saunters over to me, plopping down next to me with an arm around my back.

"What happened this time?" he asks quietly as his lips press against my mess of hair. I just shake my head, not wanting to talk about it. I didn't want to seem more pathetic than I already am.

"When you want to talk, I'm always here you know that right?" I nod. "Okay, come on love school awaits us." he says with a cheesy grin. I can't help but to give him a small smile back. I clamber off the swing and porch, down the driveway to Grey's truck.

The ride to school was quiet with soft piano music in the background. The short drive to the school took an enormous weight off my shoulders. I needed some fresh air and this was the only place I knew I could get it. To temporarily step out of my skin and be someone different. I could be myself with no judgement.

Rose sat at the picnic table in front of us, florescent green earbuds hanging down. "Hey sexy."

"Why thank you it's a new shirt." Grey replied a hand placed on his chest in fake embarrassment.

"She was talking to me doofus." I walk over to her and happily sit down in the seat next to her.

I take a deep breath in and a smile comes to my face.