Forever. (A Bucky Barnes fanfiction)

Chapter 22.

"Heyy Sarah...I brought you some dinner, Steve made your favorite..its..its uh..steak, and salad...so I'm just gonna...put it..over here on your desk..oh. You..you didn't eat your lunch..that's fine! It's fine I'll just put it I the fridge and probably...eat it..later on..anyyy, thoughts on that that you maybe wanna share?" Bucky asks me, awkwardly leaning on my desk, I just continue to stare at my ceiling, laying on my back, hands crossed on my stomach. Bucky frowns sadly and heads over to the open door, stopping midway through it. "Okay..I'll leave you alone...um..Bon appetite?...okay.." He leaves the room.
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They can hear me all the way from their bedrooms, crying and screaming, and throwing things around. It's been going on for weeks, every day I've just been blank, only eating on occasion,at night I go ballistic, smashing things, being hysterical. They tried to help me, on the first night it happened, but whenever they came into the room I huddled in the corner, hugging my knees to my chest and screaming. Now, four weeks later, Bucky's decides to try again.
He throws his covers off of him and jumps out of bed, hurrying out of his room and down the hall, he gets to my door and softly knocks, my hysterics continue, so he opens the door and walks into the room. I lay on the floor, surrounded by broken objects and dents in the hardwood, sobbing loudly with my hands over my face. Bucky kneels down next to me, trying to get me to acknowledge his being there. I continue my crying as if I don't even know he's there, he puts a hand on my arm, gripping it, gently, but also firmly. Suddenly my fit stops, it quiets down, and I slowly remove my hands from my gross, red, tear stained face, "I killed them." I whisper, to nobody in particular, Bucky frowns. "What did you say?" He asks me, I suddenly sit up and slam my clenched fist against the ground. "EIGHTEEN PEOPLE ARE DEAD AND IT'S MY FAULT!" I scream in his face, making him stumble over backwards, he lands on his back, which hurts him a bit. He sits up, rubbing his back and groaning quietly, my eyes widen and I start beating the floor again, yelling angrily. "It's not your fault Sarah..you tried to save them but you couldn't, and sometimes you can't save everyone and that's okay...it's not your fault they died, you weren't the one who pulled the pin. You saved your two best friends in the world, which meant putting yourself in danger that could have been fatal. It's not your fault." Bucky tells me softly, in that soothing voice I've always loved. "I JUST HURT YOU!" I scream, pointing at him desperately. "No! No I'm absolutely fine!" He insists, standing quickly and grabbing my shoulders. I freeze under his touch, not moving or saying anything. The room is completely silent, yet, so loud, it's like the walls are screaming and the floors are creaking loudly, and the ceilings cracking and the moulding peeling off, and each sound is amplified one hundred percent. "Bucky I...I-I-I-I-I killed them.." I whisper, dropping my head. He pulls me into  a comforting embrace, then kissing the top of my head, letting his lips linger there. "You didn't kill them." He whispers, I let my eyes close, I purse my lips, trying not to cry again, but tears still make it out and down my face. And soon I'm sobbing grossly into Bucky's shoulder, Bucky rubbing my back comfortingly.