A Hint of Color (boyxboy)

Chapter 4

Squinting in the sunlight shining through my window, I wonder what time it is. I sit up and blink at the space next to me on my bed, remembering that Jake fell asleep there. Pulling on some sweatpants, I head downstairs to look for him but it's quiet.

I guess he's long gone.

After coffee and some cereal, I head back upstairs to take a shower. My body is sore, but I smile to myself as I wash my hair. Last night was amazing.

I can't be mad at Jake for leaving me in the morning. He made it clear to me that we're only friends with benefits, not boyfriends. I don't mind. Not at all if we get to have more nights like that.

I wish I had some other gay friends to text right now about my first time. Taylor definitely won't want to hear the details. It'll be my secret, I guess.

Even though I want to tell my best friend these things, he'd look at me with that judgmental expression again. He'd worry about it instead of being happy for me, especially because Jake and I were tipsy last night. Taylor doesn't think anyone's first time should be when they're intoxicated.

It really is hard to keep this from my friends. I wish I could tell Nadine and Evynne about Jake too, but he insists that I don't tell anyone. It's not like they're the type to spread gossip. They'd never tell if I asked them to keep it quiet.

It turns out that Taylor is the one to bring it up to them later on. Now Nadine is texting me that she wants to meet my new boyfriend.

"You weren't even supposed to tell all your friends," grumbles Jake as we walk through the woods around the school.

"They're not gonna tell anyone." I roll my eyes. "They're cool. I think you might like them..."

He narrows his eyes. "Why would they even want to meet me? We're not a couple." Jake walks a little faster and doesn't look at me.

I sigh, losing my patience. He gets so closed off whenever it comes to things like this.

"I can't--"

"I know," I snap. "It's not like I'm asking you to meet my fucking parents. You're my friend, and you're going to see them at school anyway so why wouldn't you want to meet them now?"

Jake stops walking. "Because I don't want them to think I'm sticking around."

My heart sinks. "What?"

"This is all temporary. You know that. I don't need to meet your friends. They'll get the wrong idea."

I stare at him. "I know it's temporary. You tell me that basically every time we touch. But since we're still friends, I thought maybe you could be friends with them, too. You're going to be new at this school and I figured I was helping you." I'm annoyed but I reach for his hand.

"I don't need your help making friends," he says, pulling his hand away.

"Why are you being like this?"

"Like what?"

"Mean, you're being mean." I cross my arms.

Jake glares at me and turns back in the direction we came from.

"Jake!"

He ignores me and I roll my eyes.

-----

"He doesn't want to meet you," I tell my friends when we get together at the diner.

Nadine looks over at me in confusion. "What? Why not?"

I shrug. "He's just scared. He doesn't want people to know about us."

"He's in the closet?" asks Evynne.

Taylor silently eats his French fries. I can tell he doesn't really like Jake even though they haven't met yet.

"He has no intention of coming out," I explain. "That might be a good idea, though. You know how people are at our school."

"I guess I understand that," says Nadine, "but he could still meet us. We're probably going to be in classes together when school starts up anyway."

"That's what I told him. He's just paranoid."

"Too much, don't you think?" asks Evynne.

"Don't you remember what happened to me?" I ask them. "My dad almost killed me, he was so pissed. It was awful, and I don't want that to happen to Jake."

Suddenly I feel guilty for pressuring him to meet them. He really is uncomfortable with anyone knowing about him. I used to be scared like that. Now I'm used to being out at school, but a few years ago I had a terrible coming-out experience. So I can understand why he freaks out about it.

I call Jake later but he doesn't answer, so I stop by his house.

Clara answers the door, giving me the usual suspicious look and then rolling her eyes. "Jake, your emo friend is here!"

He hurries to the door and makes his way outside. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm... here to apologize."

Jake frowns.

"I won't make you meet my friends. I'm sorry I got mad about it. Forgive me?"

He looks off to the side and crosses his arms. "Yeah, sure."

"Let me make it up to you," I say, stepping closer to him. "Come back to my house."

"Fine. In an hour."

-----

I curl up on my bed as I hear the front door click shut. Jake left right away, like he always does. No chit chat, and definitely no cuddling.

He was rough this time, more so than usual, but it was still good. I wonder if it's because he's still sort of mad at me.

Jake made it clear that I can't tell any more of my friends. Not that I really have anyone else I'd tell.

He wants to keep it quiet when school starts next week. I get it... he wants to fit in and feel safe.

This becomes our usual routine. Hang out, hook up, and leave right after that.

When we get our school schedules, I show mine to him. Turns out, we don't have any classes together this year. Only lunch.

I thought he'd be more disappointed.

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Author's Note :
One more chapter left in Part 1! That'll be uploaded on Thursday.
Do you think Ross was right or wrong to apologize? I'd love to hear your thoughts.
So today I learned more about how my student teaching will go this semester and I'm already overwhelmed. I was excited all summer but now I'm realizing just how busy I'll be. I'm also the president of a club. Busy busy! Well, at least this shouldn't affect my update schedule because I have written a lot of this book in advance. I'm already working on chapter 29. As for my other books like TBWSD, I'm not sure 😩 - S