A Hint of Color (boyxboy)

Chapter 10

I have a dream about Jake and it pisses me off. I really don't need this right now.

In the dream, I was still working at the record store and Jake came in to tell me how much he'd changed. Then he leaned across the counter to kiss me and I woke up.

I fling the blankets off of myself and start getting ready for school. Dreaming about people isn't unusual for me. My friends show up occasionally, but I haven't had a dream involving Jake in a long time. This is all because he's talking to me again.

I guess it doesn't matter what happened in the dream because it was just a dream, but what pisses me off is that in my dream I forgave him.

Maybe it's only a matter of time before I give into him again.

No, I need to be in control this time. If I ever decide to hook up with Jake again, for whatever reason, it has to be because I want to. I can't expect him to change. I can't do it because he keeps asking me to.

As I eat breakfast, I think about what it would be like to actually have a secret thing going on with him again. This is all hypothetical, of course.

Back when I first met him, it was actually a lot of fun. I only got hurt because we were friends and then he acted like he was too cool for me once school started. Now that I'm older and smarter, I know what he's like. Why not have some fun with Jake without expecting anything from him?

I stop eating for a moment as my stomach turns. I can't tell if I'm nervous or intrigued.

As much as I want Jake to really become a better person - for his own benefit - and to treat me like I exist, part of me wonders what it would be like if I were the one to act too cool for him.

I chuckle and finish my breakfast because it's ridiculous that I'm even thinking about it this much.

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In Physics, Jake locks eyes with me again as he walks into the room. His gaze lingers longer than usual, so I look away and try to appear uninterested.

He texts me as we wait for class to start.

Are you ever gonna dye your hair black again?

Um, why?

I thought it looked really good back then.

Well, I like it the way it is now.

Yeah, it still looks good. You always look good.

Yeah, yeah, Jake.

For real. Very stylish. I should tell you more often ;)

You're just trying to win me over so you can get laid.

Yeah, pretty much.

Look, we're never going to date each other, so don't bother with the compliments. If we hook up, that's all it is.

Oh, fuck. I was just ranting but he's definitely going to take that the wrong way. I look over at him in a panic. He reads the text and smirks at me.

I glare so he doesn't get the wrong idea. I get his reply a moment later.

Can't wait.

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Before lunch, I find Jude at his locker. "Hey," I say, yawning and leaning against the locker next to his. "I was down this way and figured we could walk together."