My Journal

The Wingman

"An idea is like a virus; resilient, highly contagious. Even the smallest  seed of an idea can grow. It can grow to define or destroy you."

A smallest idea such as, "You will never get her. You weren't meant to."

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Now before I go on and tell you about what actually happened, you must know something about me, or more precisely, about my past self; about the person I used to be around two to three years back.

Classes 7th & 8th : (Can't believe I'm actually doing this, here goes nothing!)

This was before I became crazy.

Now by the time I reached class 7th, I was officially a total nerd. I was a fat, naïve little idiot who had no idea how the real world worked. I believed in a fantasy that was far from the truth. Innocence would not be the right word to use, but more like uninformed. What I thought the world to be, was a place that I thought I understood. I thought I was smart enough to deal with all the adversities (I wasn't). But everything went smooth, life was fun. I must mention, that is also the time I got to know Yash really well.  Nothing much here.

 Class 9th : (oh, boy)

{

Things to know about me before proceeding: I think a LOT about random shit (which explains why I'm so philosophical about a lot of things). Second, I learn from practically everything . I learn lessons from the most insignificant and trivial of things and events (so insignificant, I even learn from the small quarrels that we sometimes used to get into. Somebody drops me out of a f****** school project and takes all the credit for my hard work, I learnt how not to trust every sh*ta*s you meet along the way; and that's not even a sneak peek).

}

This is where my life started to crumble. A quarter of my year went without anything significant. But then I was introduced to a newer friend circle (names shall not be disclosed for the sake of my neck). Now these guys, they weren't bad, but they were no angels (make no mistake there!).

They were somewhere between the (so-called) "cool" group and studious old chaps (They were toppers). They were fun. But there were (insignificant) instances with them where I got to learn a lot about how the world we live in actually works. Now like I said, I think waay too much for my own good.

I started becoming sort of a sociopath, after all, I was very sensitive earlier. I started developing introverted tendencies like lack of self confidence and esteem (most of which never really did go away). I started becoming a rational, logic based, cold, calculative and all the while, still idiotic machine. 

I never liked being sad. So, when all this shit started depressing me (I got addicted to Linkin Park), I decided to do something big. I decided to redefine my emotions. (Tough call, this one. On one hand, I would officially become inhuman but on the other, I might find a solution. Might.)

<! To those wondering, no, I had no idea Sherlock (BBC) even existed>

Notable shit : This was the time Yash started falling for this carbon-based, feminine, humanoid organism. Now, GOD knows Why this idiot chose me to be his "wingman". (Those not familiar with the term, either comment or watch HIMYM. If I receive enough comments, I shall dedicate a chapter to Wingmen.)

Now I was a rational, coldhearted, masculine form of SIRI. So when this guy comes up to me and tells me "Bro, I have lost mi corazon to this beautiful woman", of course my reaction was "Bullshit." (readers must note the use of a period instead of an exclamation mark denoting my actual deadpanned response to his situation). Now this girl was one of the most popular humans studying at our school and worse, she was in a relationship. Still sounds do-able? She was in a (stable enough) relationship with the most popular male human of our school. He was smart, handsome, charming (I'm cringing as I write this) and had a serious head start.

Compared to that, my friend here was studious, not exactly the "cool" type (but then again, we've always had a different perception of the word "cool"), he looked slightly better than an average human being, not an expert of conversations (not an extrovert), geeky, not as tall as the average human being at his age, skinny, (can't remember properly but he probably had braces too), not really an athlete---all in all, a pretty "background character" kind of a guy.

Now the odds were hell bent against him, and being the robot I was, I felt it my duty to warn him about the path that he'd chosen. No wonder he would have to struggle a lot. Only despair and anguish waited for him ahead. It was obvious that he couldn't succeed. And that is exactly what I told him---repeatedly.

I remember saying :

"We're nerds man, we were never destined for a life like theirs. We were given a different, more difficult path to walk on."

"There's no way you can beat that guy. Look at the odds! How can you be so blind??"

"All she has ever given you is despair and that is all she'll ever give you."

...and much more along the way but you get the point.

So, what I'm sayin' is, this was the time when almost everyone was against this guy. The select few who actually did stand beside him were entrusted to do one job---help him get the girl of his dreams, and while we all tried (I cannot say for others but only for myself), I think all that hard core realism that I launched on him might've planted an idea in his subconscious that he just couldn't get her no matter what he does.

Now I must say, he...he displayed an extraordinary....something (I'm currently lost for words) and, not listening to any of our 'advice', did exactly what HE felt was right. He followed his heart (still cringing, but it is true) and it led him straight and true. He fought hard. Real hard. (This one, I actually mean it)

"Search your feelings, Luke!"

But I feel that if he had our positive support, someone to tell this idiot that there is still hope (even if it was a false hope), he might've succeeded.

A false optimism.

Something to hold on to, something to live by. We just prepared him mentally for the failure that we believed he was about to face in case everything goes as it should go according to rationalism and logic. And history is a witness that not a lot of logical shit happened in his story, which is what I believe makes it so interesting.

If you've seen the 2015 flick "Mr. Holmes" starring Ian McKellen, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Just replace the lady with this guy.

I'm a no-shit, no-cheesy kinda guy who hates clichéd romantics and relationships, and yet, this one fascinates me, not because it isn't cheesy or romantic (it is), but because it is a living proof that "All kinds of shits are possible if you are foolish and brave enough to let go of the realism and rationalism for once and just believe in yourself. You may not succeed-but at least you went down in a blaze of glory that will be remembered for years."

Shit got cheesy, am I right? Just hold on guys, there's just a little more left to come. I'm sorry if I'm not making a lot of sense but then again, I don't have to. It's my Journal; it wasn't supposed to make sense! Sorry.

If you absolutely hated this chapter or just skipped to the end to read the conclusion cuz well "Ain't nobody gonna read tha' borin' ol' pile o' shit!!", then I have linked a song too. In case you hated the song too, you really are in the wrong place bud. Hasta la vista.

Hope you guys are havin' a great day and if not, just hold on. Sit tight, we'll ride out this storm together in the most uncheesiest way possible. You bring Cheetos and I'll bring my Tommy Gun!

Stay tuned

Stay Awesome

Hail Hydra

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