stage 2 of grief anger
i turned my phone off and looked back at my whole life. all the things i did and all the things i regret not doing. i should have been home with my mother that was my biggest regret. my tech clenched as i began to get angry at myself. "if i wasn't so stupid"i screamed probably everyone could hear me. i grabbed the first thing on my bed stand and throw it. glass breaks everywhere " fuck" i scream now crying. my mom got me that candle last year for christmas because she knew i loved candles and i had just broken it. out of anger. tears rushed down my face as i walk over to the broken glass and bits of wax of on the floor. i begin to pick them up as one cuts me right in my arm. i looked at it, it wasn't deep but it was just enough to make it bleed. i continued to look at it then walked right to the bathroom near my room. i find a old razor and without even thinking cut it right into my arm. " another one" i said to myself acting as if i wasn't in pain. i stopped and looked at myself in the mirror. before even thinking i hit it as hard as i could breaking some of the glass in the center. my knuckles hurt but it relived some anger. i walk to go get a towel and wipe my arm off. " what have i done i screwed up" i said sinking down to the floor. i has no more energy to get up so i just sat there " why me what did i do wrong to lose my mom" i screamed at the top of my lungs. " alyssa" i heard someone yell. hunter i thought in my head. i wanted to yell to him i was in here but i didn't want him to see i had cut. the door to the bathroom flew open and he engulfed me in a hug. " i decided to give you space but i couldn't do it anymore, im sorry alyssa." hunter said. "it's okay" i whispered in his ear. he held me the way i needed to be held right now. " i want you to come live with me, you have no where left to go and soon you won't have money to live here anymore" hunter said. " we'll see" i said. " you're moms funeral is tomorrow christine set it up for you" hunter said. "okay" i said. he held me until the tears stopped and he looked at me and smiled. " i brought you food" hunter said. " thanks" i said. " i have to go but ill be back tomorrow to come pick you up before the funeral at 11 okay?" hunter said. " i want you to say" i said. " okay i'll be back tonight alright?" hunter said. " okay" i said engulfing him in a hug. he pulled away and kissed me. i forget everything when he kissed me it just feels right.
