Love is a Battlefield (Yuri!!! On Ice - Otayuri)

Chapter 1: Heavy Metal Heart

"Yu——ri!" Mila sang, skating toward him full-tilt and slamming into the boards by his head as he surfed his social media accounts during his water cooler break. Yuri yelped in shock and fumbled to catch his phone. It was brand new - yet another replacement, after he'd thrown the last one against the wall in a fit of pique - and Yakov had sworn that he wasn't paying to replace it again. If this one broke, Yuri would be without a phone at all for months. He wouldn't be able to update his instagram or twitter. He would die.

"What do you want, hag?" he asked, once he had a firm grip on the phone. He shot her a fierce glare and then dropped his eyes back to the screen, swiping furiously and sticking out his tongue as he concentrated. If he'd lost the post he was replying to... No, there it was. He sighed in relief and finished tapping out his reply to Beka. There.

"So, who is she?" Mila asked, propping her elbows on top of the boards and leaning her chin on them as she tried to peer at his screen. Yuri quickly twisted the phone out of her line of sight. "Huh?"

"Spoilsport," she pouted. Then she brightened. "Come on, Yuri! I'm dying for some new gossip. Georgi's been moping about after Anya for ages and I'm tired of hearing Victor and Yuuri gush about one another. So, come on. Who is she?"

"Ew. Gross. I don't know what you're talking about," Yuri muttered, silently cursing the faint flush he could feel spreading up the back of his neck.

"Hmmm..." Mila tapped her chin with one finger, in an annoyingly accurate imitation of Victor. "Or perhaps... perhaps it's not a 'she'? Ooh... is it a young man that has finally caught our prickly tiger's interest?"

He stuck his tongue out at her.

"It is! It is! Oh, kitten!" she exclaimed, spinning in a delighted and entirely unnecessary circle and clapping her hands. "I'm so happy for you!"

"Ugh, whatever, hag." He locked his phone and tucked it into his bag, refusing to look at her. He made his way onto the ice, gliding across the rink toward where Yakov was yelling something at Victor and the piggy, and then whipped around to point an accusing finger at Mila. "And if you so much as touch my bag, I will end you."

"If you say so, kitten."

He flipped her off over his shoulder as he picked up speed, nearly flubbing the jump because his arm was all wrong and his balance was off. He winced, hoping Yakov hadn't seen that.

"Yuri! What the hell was that?"

Aaaand that would be a no. Sighing, Yuri braced himself for the lecture, fingers already itching to scroll through his social media, checking for replies. He didn't have a crush on Beka, he told himself fiercely, sending a glare Mila's way for good measure. He didn't.

Lies... whispered the annoying voice of his conscience - which sounded disturbingly like the piggy, now that he thought about it - and he sternly told it to be quiet.

——

"Who is he, Yuri?" Mila swooped up behind him, catching him in a hug that was half-affectionate, half-wrestling hold. Yuri nearly dropped his phone again.

"Ugh, just drop it already, hag!" he squawked, swiping frantically to save his half-finished text and lock the screen before she got a good look at it.

"But Yu—ri! I'm so booooooored."

"How is that my problem? Go pick on Georgi - didn't he take some new girl out last week?"

She grimaced. "No thanks. I've actually had enough Georgi drama for a while. Anyway, he already told me all about her. At length."

"Bully for you. Now, leave me alone, already." He could feel her frown as he stalked away.