James hates the night before exams. Lily is always studying even though she doesn't need to and he is always trying to study and failing. What he really needs is Lily to help him study and feed him chocolate. James finds Lily in the library, surrounded by a wall of books and scribbling away at her study notes. "Lily?" She doesn't look up she just nods. "Can you help me?" Still, she doesn't look up. "Lily!"
"What?" A flash of guilt crosses her face the second she sees that it is James. "I am so sorry," James is looking down at Lily, concern written all over his face. "What? You look concerned, why?"
"You do know that you're already going to ace those exams right?" Lily nods to herself. She knows. "So why go through all the stress of studying things you already know or you don't even need to know?" A small tear slides down Lily's face, followed by a blush.
"I'm trying to distract myself," the blush is growing bigger and brighter.
"Distract yourself from what?" He really has no clue. No clue of what effect he has on the helpless Lily Evans.
"You."
"What?"
"I'm trying to distract myself from my thoughts of you and everything else going through my mind." A bright smirk has appeared on James' face.
"And what thoughts are these exactly?" James moves his hand to lift Lily's chin so that she is looking directly at her. She shakes her head stubbornly.
"Come one, you've brought it up so you may as well tell me. Or show me, your choice." Lily grabs his hand and squeezes it tight. "That's it?" More tears start to roll down Lily's face.
"We'll have roses on our front door, a tiny dog who always needs a walk and then we'll walk it and it'll be best friends with Sirius," her crying is loud now and her hands are shaking in James' steady hands. "Our kitchen will be full of cake which we never eat so we have to invite everyone over to eat our cake. And then you'll meet my parents and they will love you because everyone does. And then you'll make them laugh and you might even charm my sister even though she's a bitch."
"Lily, what's wrong with all that?" James has both of Lily's hands inside his.
"Then you will realise how much you miss your old life. Without me and just with the Marauders and you will be so much happier..." James' lips cut her off, his lips are urgent on hers but she isn't giving in. Not today. "No James. You don't understand. You have always gotten whatever you wanted but I don't have that. I had to fight to even get to Hogwarts. If I left you you would have a new girlfriend in seconds. Maybe that would be for the best," Lily stands up and leaves James, speechless. Now it's James crying, fat, salty tears dropping into his lap.
"Sirius?" James has finally moved from the library, only to find Sirius lounging on the couch in the Gryffindor common room.
"Explain, Lily just ran through here, crying and didn't say anything to me. What the hell is happening?" The tears are falling freely now and the shocked expression on Sirius's face only makes James cry even more.
"I think she might have broken up with me, but I'm not quite sure," James is mopping up his tears with his jumper sleeve and shooting death glares at the staring first years. "She was talking about our future and it sounded so good, with a dog and roses and everything good but then she broke down. She was saying how I could do so much better than her and I was just thinking how stupid she is. Doesn't she realise how much she means to me?" Sirius nods, understanding taking over the confusion on his face. "I didn't know what to do and then she just left. I don't know what to do, what do I do?" James face is desperate and Sirius nearly cries just seeing his best friend in this state.
"I don't know, I really don't know." Sirius's mind is whirring but no ideas come to mind.
When Lily arrives in the dormitory Alice and Marlene know that something is wrong. Her eyes are red and puffy and her hands are shaking, a clear sign that she is upset. They share a knowing look, only James could get her this emotional. "Hey Lils, you alright?" Alice looks nervous, she doesn't want to hurt her even more.
"No, not at all," and with that she starts to cry. Loud, desperate crying. "I thought I could do this but I don't know how." Alice is confused, she has only ever had perfect relationships. But Marlene knows, she knows the pain of having a relationship so complicated that she has to stop it altogether. Marlene grabs Lily's shaking hand, holds it in hers and orders Alice to go get chocolate because sometimes that's the only option. To hope for better and eat a shit load of chocolate.
