Today we had a meeting at the hamburger bastard's home. After we all arrived, he gave us some of the awful stuff he called 'food'. Then this happened.
Hamburger idiot- HEY! Do you guys like it? I cooked the burgers myself!
England- *was trying to pick leaves out of his milkshake* Um.. You shouldn't have.
Wine Bastard- Really. You shouldn't have.
England- *hit Wine Bastard*
I'm pretty sure he whispered something along the lines of "Alfred has a sensitive ego, Francis" but I could be mistaken. The room was noisy. Anyway, how could that fat man-child have a sensitive ego?
Tonio was trying to pick eggshells out of his hamburger bun, and I didn't touch my food. Screw table manners, I don't wanna get food poisoning! Honestly, I think you could probably get rabies from that guy's food. It's somehow even worse than England's!
After a while, everyone finished what they could of their terrible food. America then said, "LES' PLAY A GAME GUYS!" and ushered everyone into a largish room that had a giant tv as it's main attraction. He popped a game called "Just Prance" or something into a console of some sort and yelled "GET INTO TEAMS!"
I was on a team with the Potato twins, Fratello, Tonio, and the small child that follows fratello around.
The other team was England, Hamburger head, Wine bastard, the guy who looks like hamburger head, the scary Russian, and Japan. Thankfully, that team had most of the weird people.
America took one look at me and fratello, then yelled "I HAVE THE BEST SONG IDEA, SO I GET TO CHOOSE FIRST!" I swear, that guy doesn't have an inside voice. But anyway, guess what song he chose?
We no speak Americano.
Not only did he choose that song, he wanted Tonio to be the one to fight him. Err.. Dance with him. THE SONG ISIN'T SPANISH, DIO DAMN HIM!
Why was that song on the list anyway? I thought Just Prance was supposed to be a kids game..
I liked watching Tonio dance. I MEAN, I ENJOYED WATCHING HIM KICK THE AMERICAN'S ASS AT DANCING. After Tonio won, it was my turn to pick a song. I chose something that sounded slightly scary, and danced against the guy who looks like America. Unsurprisingly, I won! I didn't rub it in though, because oddly enough, the guy who looks like America was pretty nice. He gave me a bottle of some sort of syrup as a trophy! It tasted good.. Spain wanted some, but I didn't let him have any.
The America looking guy chose some song about possibly calling someone, and wanted Potato Bastard Vol. 1 to dance against him. Weirdly enough though, America and Prussia were both gone. I wonder where..
The rest of the evening was pretty interesting, with the macho potato getting into a fight with Tonio about the best kind of beer, fratello sang to everyone (for some reason), and England and wine face were told to get a room. CHILDREN DO NOT NEED TO SEE THAT. Fratello's child was quiet, and didn't participate in dancing. Lucky little bastard.
The hamburger idiot and macho potato Vol. 1 finally reappeared a hour or two after their disappearance, and everytime Prussia even LOOKED at America, he was met with a idiotic smile, or a idiotic blush. Actually, everything that idiot does is idiotic... But the smiles and the blushes were even more stupid than usual!
At one point, Fratello leaned over and said "They look like you and Tonio~"
WE DO NOT LOOK LIKE THAT!
I DON'T LIKE TONIO! I mean Tonio is gorgeous, his ass looks perfect, he does cook a good meal from time to time, and we always hang out, but we're not in love!
We even lived together at one point! But that's not evidence enough.. The damn bastard never returns my calls.. And he always hangs out with the old potato bastard and wine bastard. He never brings me along! Why in the world would fratello assume he liked me...
Damnit I need to stop using ink pens. Anyway, America continued blushing the entirety of the afternoon, Tonio kept on bugging me with silly questions like, "Do you know what intercourse is?" and after a few more people arrived, things got weirder. Prussia abandoned the company of America to bug Austria, and England jumped out of a window because the Franc was chasing him with a dress. The dress looked to be quite revealing.
Prussia apparently mixed salt or something into my drink (I only found out a few minutes ago), and I spit it out all over Tonio's shirt.
Tonio took his shirt off in the middle of the kitchen, and was walking around like that until Austria decided to give him his weird coat.
The rest of the evening consisted of Gilbert and the wine bastard taping Tonio's coattails to the ground. Only after Tonio left did I get revenge. (I threw some terrible American pasta at them, then forced them to eat it. I think the latter was more punishment)
I've gotta go now, fratello and the macho potato are calling me downstairs. I think that Gilbert, Tonio, and Francis managed to get themselves stuck in a closet?!
What would Tonio do without me?
Love, Romano (The more important Italian)
YOU ARE READING
Hetalian Diaries
FanfictionPrussia needs to know what everyone's up to at all times. At the world meetings, he miiiiight sneak a peak at their diaries.
