Ever Changing

04

     There are three new things Jackson learns about Mark with the unfolding events.

One: Mark is a good kisser. And Jackson means that: a really good kisser, the type that makes your head spin and think movies don't exaggerate because a kiss can be magical.

Two: Mark is addictive. His lips, his tongue and the taste of his mouth, even the shape of it makes Jackson consider him as a drug he's trying for the first time and suddenly he just wants more and more. He wants to continue feeling like this forever.

Three: Jackson really read Mark wrong before, because with the way he's kissing the younger now it's evident there's never been anything but want from the older. This kiss speaks of frustration and longing and finally granted wishes.

Slowly, the kiss finds a new pace, not as frantic, not as desperate but careful and almost melancholic. It is as if Mark knows this is all he has and now that he can see past the frenzy of the first touch of lips, past the adrenalin of finally kissing, past the heat of the argument, he now realises this won't last long so he should enjoy it. He should memorise it, burn it in his brain and seal it there for ever.

The kiss suddenly tastes like sadness and Jackson doesn't know what to do. He wants the fire, the desperation as they cling on to each other. He doesn't want to taste resignation and gloom in Mark's lips, or feel the goodbye in his hands.

Why is it changing?

So Jackson presses harder against Mark, practically grinding and tries to deepen the kiss even more, he tries to rekindle the fire, and although the older replies there is still that lingering sadness in the way his lips move.

Jackson tries to think back of Mark looking at him with the same sadness and resignation, and actually he finds those times. It was the same time he started to get confused.

◦ ◦ ◦

Jackson was avoiding Mark, which things considered, was better than bickering all the time. However, that didn't mean Jackson was doing better because after Jinyoung had dropped that bomb he was now hyper-aware of Mark's actions. Did he do anything kind to Jackson? Did he even look at Jackson differently?

Jackson wanted to know if he was judging Mark wrong. If his certainty that the hatred was mutual was wrong and misplaced. He didn't really hate Mark and wasn't sure when the resentment and frustration because of what he had to do had turned in such a dark and angry feeling.

Trying to sort things out and clear things up was time consuming and exhausting, it required a lot of thinking and mental strain, so Jackson worked out even harder to keep a focused mind. He practised harder, he exercised for longer and pushed his body to the limit.

The idol watched his reflection with critical and stern eyes, way past after his band mates had left, judging himself until he reached the precision that was needed. Lately, he had monitored some of their performances and noticed his movements were lazy, poorly executed and far as sharp as they used to and should be. He knew it was because he was tired with all his schedules and such, but their routines should come as second nature to him so why was he so sloppy?

Hence, he practised even more so the movements would flow naturally and perfectly, one after the other as if he didn't have to put effort to execute them as they should. He repeated and repeated until he didn't have to will his elbow to be at the same level of his shoulder when he popped, until his legs weren't just fast but also on the right angle.

Like that, he also avoided overthinking of the eldest member of GOT7 and whether Jackson was being unfair and mean. He knew he was being like that before, but it made him awfully guilty thinking about his behaviour if he was the only one with irrational and groundless hatred in his guts. If Mark didn't feel like that then that made Jackson a terrible person.