Ever Changing

16

            A part of Jackson's head is whining, pouting and almost throwing a tantrum, telling him he's the biggest idiot because he could've been this close to Mark for so long if he had only used his brain. Lying together in bed, tangled legs, hands that always move in the softest and most loving caresses, kissing and smiling as if the sun just came out. Mark looks so happy every time they pull apart and he stares at Jackson, always touching his face as if the older feared he was going to disappear.

It's blissful, being like that with Mark, his body buzzes with joy and excitement, it's so warm and just right, the way Mark feels next to him and Jackson prays nothing will ever take the older away.

The other part of Jackson is a giggling mess so it's very hard to take it seriously.

"You haven't said much," Jackson mumbles at some point when they pull apart again and Mark is just staring at him. "You seldom do but still, you haven't even told me how you feel about all this and it makes me anxious because despite everything I'm still super nervous, after all I just exposed myself to you so it's not like I'm terrified you know? It'd be really nice if you can actually say something."

"Sorry," Mark replies in a whisper that makes Jackson's throat close up. "I guess a part of me still expects this is a dream and I just don't want to wake up so I hope that if I stay quiet, I'll stay like this with you."

"It's not a dream," Jackson reassures the other boy. "Want me to pinch you just to be sure?"

Mark actually laughs at that, rich and happy as he always does and Jackson can't lie when he says he really feels butterflies in his stomach when Mark is like that.

Happy Mark is Jackson's favourite Mark.

"This is really happening, isn't it? You like me, right?" Mark asks and this time Jackson can see in the older's eyes all the fear and apprehension he himself felt before.

"Well, that's what I said before and considering how I'm trying to come up with ways to stay always like this with you," Jackson explains, wrapping his arms just a bit tighter around the other boy. "I believe it's pretty evident that I like you very much."

Jackson wants to say more in that moment, profess his undying love just because when he even says he likes Mark, this boy smiles in a way that's just so beautiful. There's so much joy and relief in his eyes, they shine with such pure honesty.

"If you don't believe me, do you want me to pinch you so you can?" Jackson teases and it works to make Mark smile wider, chuckling and snuggling closer, hiding his face in Jackson's neck and basically wrapping himself around the younger.

"It's so hard to believe this is really happening. I had accepted you'd never want me back but now here you are, with me and I— I don't even know where to begin. My hope was to at least be friends and now..."

"Now we can be boyfriends?" Jackson throws, just a chance ball. "If you want, of course. I'm not asking you out now but if you want maybe in the future or we can talk about that and why do you let me ramble? It's embarrassing."

"Because you're cute," Mark replies with such fondness it makes Jackson blush. "And do you really mean that? Being my boyfriend, I mean. Becoming a couple... I've—I've always dreamed of that but never thought it'd be possible."

"If you feel the same way I do, then why not?"

"I don't feel the same way, though," Mark comments and Jackson tenses, his whole body cools down and it feels like ice has replaced his blood. Until that point it seemed obvious Mark felt the same way, he was speaking like he was! How can he say he doesn't? "Saying I like you isn't enough to describe how I feel about you, Gaga," Mark continues and Jackson stops all whining thoughts. "Since I met you, you've been special to me. I was so drawn to you and I just... despite everything you did, I couldn't stop feeling attracted to you. And it's been years, Gaga. What I feel for you... I just..."