Unwanted, Unlovable

Make Love?

Chapter 5

“Hey love! You ready?” Jason asked as he came into my bedroom.

I nod. “But let me ask you, are you ready?” I pull him closer and press my lips to his before he could even reply. His hands quiver around my waist. I pull away. “What’s wrong?”

He shakes his head, “Nothing, your kisses make me intoxicated, that’s all!”

I smack him playfully on the shoulder and say, “I thought girls were suppose to say that line!”

“Yeah, well…” and we go back to kissing.

A few seconds later I hear a knock on the door. “Marie?” Mike says. I pull away from Jason and go back to packing.

“Yeah, Mike?” I say as Jason zips up my back.

“I need to talk to you for a sec….alone.” I nod my head and look towards Jason with an apologetic smile.

He nods. “I’ll be outside waiting for you,” and leaves the room.

“What’s up?” I ask Mike, as he sits down next to me on my bed.

He takes a deep breath and says, “Marie, I want you to be careful down there, okay? If anyone and I mean anyone says or does anything to you, then call me! Okay?”

I nod. “But don’t worry Mike, no one’s gona do nothing to me. After all I have Jason and his family. You don’t worry bout anything, got it big bro?”

He ruffled my hair playfully and kissed me on my forehead. I got up and hugged him and we went outside to Jason’s car. We waved and said our goodbyes and left. Jason and me were taking one car while his family took the other.

“Don’t worry, I got the same speech….unprotected sex right?” I was shocked. Jason thought that Mike and I talked about unprotected sex? Wow! I never even thought about having sex with Jason. I mean yeah, we’ve been dating for about a year now, but we never thought about going to level 2, always been on level 1.

It’s not like Jason actually ever forced me to having sex, but we both knew we weren’t ready. And I love Jason for that. Instead of saying no, I just nod my head and go along with it. After all I didn’t want him to find out about my past. I mean sure he knows about how ugly I used to be and how bad I felt, but I never told him about my family life, my personal life. He only knows that my dad and my brother and I don’t get along very well.

“So I was thinking….” Jason starts. I give him a questioning look. He takes a deep breath as he glances towards me. “Um, we’ve been dating for a year now, and I was wondering if, you know….” uh-oh I knew what was coming! He wanted to….. “ we should go to the next level? Make love?” my mouth fell open.

My face must of gave it away, because the next I know he’s apologizing. “I mean we don’t have to do it, I was just wondering. You know sweetheart, I’m not gona force you, never! I‘m so so sorry, I should‘ve never brought that up!”

I look down and nod. I take a deep breath before talking. “To tell you the truth, I was thinking the same thing! But I need some time to think about it, okay?” I give a weak smile.

He nods with a grin and puts his hand on my knee. I put my hand over it. All I need to do is relax. It took us two hours to get to the airport and after that 5hours from plane to get to Camden. We got a taxi to the hotel and check ourselves in. I was bunking in with Jason, but in different beds. Jason’s parents didn’t really mind, but they did keep on telling us to be careful. But I was sure nothing was gona happen between us. ‘Cause somewhere inside me, my heart told me he’s not the one!

“Babe?” Jason said as I put my bag on the bed. I look up at him. He has a sexy grin on his face, and I knew what he was talking about. I walked over to him and leaned up against him.

“Hmmmm?” I ask, running my finger over his abs, through his shirt.

His smile turns into a frown. “Aww, babe! Don’t do that!” he says leaning over to connect his lips with mine.

I turn my head so his lips get my cheek instead of my lips. “What? I didn’t do anything…yet!”

“Oh!” he says as put small kisses around my face. “So you’re planning on doing something?”

His mouth reaches my neck whish makes me gasp. I put my hands into his hair and pull him slightly down. He continues his kisses. “If that’s what I said…” but my voice trails off, because the next thing I know his lips are crushed onto mine.

We somehow make it to the bed so he’s laying on top of me and I’m on the bottom. “Marie…” he moans as he kisses me.

“Oh Jason!” I moan back.

Now hold it right there! Don’t even get any ideas like those in your head! This is what could’ve happened if I hadn’t known Chris, but I had! So this is what happened…..

“Marie….” Jason moans as he kisses me.

I was too lost in the kiss that I didn’t even notice his hand had slid under my shirt until he made his way to the hook of my bra. I try to pull away but his grip was too tight around me. I move my lips away from his so he’s not kissing me anymore.

“Jason…” I say as I pull his hands out of my shirt. “Don’t…”

“What’s wrong?” Jason asks, getting off from on top of me.

“Jason,” I hesitate. “I’m- I’m not ready!” I get up and go sit on the other bed.

“I know babe,” he stands up and walks over to me, and kneels down in front of me. “I’m sorry, I got carried away!”

“That’s alright, sweetie! I understand; apparently I did too,” I lean forward and peck him on the lips. “Come on, I know a really nice beach around here! Let’s get changed and go!”

He nods, forcing a weak smile.

“Don’t worry, I’m not mad at you!” I say as I see his upset expression.

His weak smile, forms into a grin. “Let’s go! I wana see you in that hot bikini of yours!” he says smacking my butt.