Kill Me Softly

Feel Like Me

Sangwoo rushed to his side, frantically trying to calm Yoonbum down. Of course this only made things worse, and Yoonbum was screaming, trying in vain to escape. Eventually, he wore his body out, but he still refused to go to sleep. He slumped against the wall defeatedly, waiting for the worst to happen. He felt Sangwoo check his pulse and feel his face for a fever. Then, without warning, Sangwoo lifted up Yoonbum and dropped him back on the bed. He walked out of the room and came back with some rope and a pair of gloves. He then put the gloves on Yoonbum and tied his hands first to each other, then to a post next to the bed.
"Sorry, Bum, but I have to explain myself and I can't do that if you're freaking out on me. The gloves should make it so the rope won't rub against your skin too badly. Are you going to go to sleep now and think things over until morning, or do we have to do this the hard way?"
Yoonbum was powerless to resist Sangwoo's trapping him in the bed, but he did have the strength to make facial expressions and speak in broken sentences. He glared at Sangwoo and managed,
"Let me go... no explanation"
Sangwoo looked hurt, which confused Yoonbum. He didn't think someone like Sangwoo would react like that. He'd expected him to get angry or display some other intense emotion, but instead he just looked sad that Yoonbum wanted to leave.
"Bum... I know what you must think of me, but please at least hear me out. I really would never want to hurt you. It's like I said... all this happened because I love you."
Yoonbum sighed dejectedly. He wanted nothing more than to get out of this house and go somewhere safe, somewhere without murderers or abusive uncles. Yoonbum wasn't upset that his uncle had died; on the contrary, he felt relieved that he would never get to him again. He only felt uneasy being in the care of the type of person who would kill without a second thought. Even so, Yoonbum knew Sangwoo wasn't going to let him go before he had told him his whole story, so he resigned himself to his fate and nodded slightly. Sangwoo sighed in relief, thinking Yoonbum's nod meant he was ready to trust him.
"Like I already told you, I followed you here because I wanted to talk to you and tell you how I feel. When I saw what he was doing to you, I lost it. I couldn't stand the thought of anyone hurting you and I sure as hell wasn't going to sit there while he beat the shit out of you. Before I knew what I was doing, I attacked him. I kept him alive long enough to question him about who he was and about your story." Sangwoo laughed bitterly, "he answered every question instantly. How pathetic. He was so scared of judgement that he would have done anything to stay alive. But then... I couldn't let him go. I couldn't risk going to the police and having them find out what I did to him or what he did to you. I didn't want to put you through that. And I knew if I let him live he would only hurt more people. I didn't want to consider the possibility that he might come back for you or find a new victim. So I had to kill him, you know? I didn't have a choice."
Until his last sentence, Sangwoo's voice had been strong and casual, as though he was discussing any ordinary event. But his voice cracked with his last words. Sangwoo had never wanted to become a killer. He never wanted to hurt anyone. He just wanted to protect Yoonbum. Yoonbum, despite his earlier plans of escape, had been listening intently. He hadn't expected this out of Sangwoo, and he definitely felt much safer knowing...
"Sangwoo. I get it... but... I can't stay."
Sangwoo had been lost in thought but snapped back to his senses when Yoonbum spoke.
"Why not? Of course you can. I'm not dangerous, Bum, I know you know that. I'll protect you forever. We can have a happy life together. Why do you want to leave me so badly?"
Sangwoo looked on the verge of tears. The ones he loved had always been taken from him or had never loved him back. He had never been able to love anyone like Yoonbum, but now he might lose him too. Sangwoo had known that if Yoonbum ever found out what he had done, he would want to leave him. That was why he hit his head and pretended to be abusive to cover up memories of Yoonbum's uncle. Even if Yoonbum was scared of him, at least that way he wouldn't go...
"What am I thinking? No, that's wrong!" Sangwoo suddenly burst out, "I don't want you to just be here, I want you to be with me. I want you to love me the way I love you and to know that I would do anything for you. I didn't want to kill him, Bum, I just... I need you to be safe. To be happy. Oh, shit what have I done? I've ruined everything, haven't I?"