Pyrope's Place: Dave Strider (Short Story)

Chapter 3 - Contraband Kinder Eggs

At exactly 7:00 AM, Dave's alarm started flipping the fuck out. Holy shit, that was loud. Dave threw his clock at the wall where it ricocheted and fell into the rubbish bin.

Dave had just seen...

...Time fly.

"FUCKING HELL WILL YOU SHUT THE MOTHERFUCK UP MOTHERFUCKER?!" Gamzee yelled at Dave from a few doors down. Dave decided he would have to rig up a bucket filled with cold water on Gamzee's door sometime today. Or just a bucket. But then Gamzee might get the wrong idea. Ew.

Pyrope's place served free Sunday breakfast. Not that they were overly religious, Sunday was just a day to empty out all the rotting food in the freezer. Dave took a quick shower and had just finished pulling on his shirt when someone outside started banging the door real hard.

"Uh-oh. Is it Gamzee?" Dave thought. He really didn't want to have to put up with that maniac this early in the morning. The banging got louder.

"Who is it?" Dave called, worrying that the door would burst open if he didn't make a move.

The person didn't reply, but a crazed cackling answered Dave's question. He opened the door and was knocked cold by an unusually strong swing of Terezi's cane. She then proceeded to stumble around the room and trample all over Dave's limp body in the process.

"Dave? Dave! I just heard you! Where are you?" She called, licking the walls. She tripped over Dave's empty suitcases and fell face-down on the bed. Exhausted from this endeavor, she fell asleep.

A few minutes later Dave regained consciousness and sat up, confused. He turned and saw Terezi snoring loudly on his bed. Dave's alarm clock, which had apparently only been snoozed, started making another horrible din which woke up the sleeping troll.

"Bah!" She mumbled.

"Hey, Terezi!"

"Dave! Where were you? I thought I heard you!" Terezi reached for her cane and Dave sprinted into the bathroom for shelter.

" You clocked me with that malignant cane of yours."

"Whoopsies! Sorry about that."

"It's fine. What did you come in here for?"

Terezi cackled and reached into her pocket. She took out a squashed and slightly melted chocolate egg. "Happy Easter Sunday!" she said, holding it out to Dave.

"Thanks, Terezi, but it's August." Dave said, taking the ruined confectionary and quietly discarding it in the bathroom bin.

"It's Sunday all the same." Terezi said, cackled a bit and fought her way out of the room, smacking the table lamp and sending a pair of Dave's shoes flying.

Dave sighed a bit. "Only a couple of weeks, Dave." He thought to himself, cleaning up the room a bit. After a few minutes, Dave emerged from his room and walked down the long hallway to the stairs.

He paused a bit in front of room 420, which he was pretty sure Gamzee lived in. He could hear a soft and grotesque slurping noise coming from inside but dismissed it as Gamzee getting his hourly rations of sopor slime and continued on.

Dave started down the stairs, but halfway down a terrifying honk from room 420 startled him and he lost his footing, tumbling down the remaining three and a half flights. He fell at Karkat's feet.

"I warned you, man." Karkat smirked, helping the blushing Dave up. Dave looked at him, glaring slightly but friendlily as he dusted himself off and proceeded to the dining hall.

In the room sat a few other tenants, John, Eridan and Vriska.

Okay, Eridan wasn't a guest there but hey, free breakfast!

In the middle of the room was a large table with the manhole-cover-lazy-susan on it, piled high with pancakes, eggs and tomato slices. In the center stood a huge statue of Jesus, but with... horns?

The pancakes and eggs were very burnt, but Dave knew Latula probably couldn't smell her food burning. He helped himself to some eggs and untoasted bread lying on the side.

"Hey, John!" He said, coming over to his friend.

"Dave! What are you doing here?"

"I could ask the same of you!"

"Some huge meteor hit my house while I was eating an apple."

"My bro kicked me out so he could show off his collection of shitty swords in there."

"What the fuck?"

"My thoughts exactly."

Just then, Gamzee came sauntering in, high as ever, and started an impromptu stare contest with the bronze Troll Jesus. Terezi came in after him, box of colored chalks in hand, and Gamzee rushed over to her and started to complain loudly about how the tribute to - what did he just call him? Jegus? Guy certainly needed help - defied his religion, pointing accusingly at the offending piece.

A huge explosion came from the kitchen, and a sooty Latula emerged from a black cloud of smoke. Gamzee ceased his bickering with Terezi and rushed right into the smoke and started to dance with wild abandon.

"I didn't know it was burning!" She insisted loudly to Terezi. "Damn cheap pressure cooker."

"How do you burn something in a pressure cooker?" Dave wondered.