Pyrope's Place: Dave Strider (Short Story)

Chapter 1 - Like a Sack of Potatoes

Dave Strider woke up from a rather restful nap. No, he hadn't been on Derse. It was pretty damn hard for him to get to his moon.

Also, Derse was bloody boring. On Prospit you could see all those pretty pictures in the clouds and describe them to your friends who in turn thought you were some crazy psychic and laughed in your face.

But at a relatively far distance.

Because you were certainly an incredibly dangerous individual.

You damn creep.

But what did you get in Derse?

Big tentacle mounds with eyes.

Millions of 'em.

Dave decided he had better haul his lazy ass over to his computer and update SBAHJ. Didn't want to keep those fans waiting.
He sat up in his bed and shoved his very rad shades on. No, he didn't sleep in those. Who even does that?

Hint: lives two doors down. Rugged Texan. Thinks swords are somehow included in the Second Amendment. Name starts with 'B'. Ends with 'ro'.

Dave strode over to his computer and started drawing. But he just couldn't get the DAMN FUCKING HAIR RIGHT FUCK IT. Dave decided that was enough for the time being, saved what he had done and pulled up Pesterchum.
Hm. No one on. Except that caustic character Gamzee. But no one liked him. Ew.

Dave decided to pester John in case he was near his computer.

turntechGodhead [TG] started pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT]

TG: hey john
TG: im fuckin bored
TG: john
TG: well you arent answering
TG: bye then

turntechGodHead [TG] ceased pestering ghostlyTrickster [GT]

Huh. Wasn't like John to not be online at this time of day. Dave decided not to give it a second thought as he closed the Pesterchum program and was about to log off and start working on some sick new jams for Jade when Bro waltzed in without knocking.
"Hey lil bro." He said, leaning on the doorway, hands in his jean pockets.
"What the fuck do you want?"
"Whoa, someone's in a piss."
"What the fuck do you want?!"
Bro chuckled and said, "Lil bro, you're gonna have to leave."

Dave was very taken aback.
"What?" He squeaked. Holy shit, that was uncool. He made a mental note to facepalm himself after Bro left.
"I'm gonna need your room to set up a real cool display case for my swords."
"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Dave yelled. "You're kicking ME out so you can store your pile of shitty ass swords in here?!" Dave felt like he might burst from anger.
"Right on."
"HELL NO!"
"But Dave..."
"I'M KEEPING MY ROOM!"
"Dave..."
"GET YOUR ASS OUT OF *MY* ROOM YOU PIECE OF FUCK!"
"Dave!"
"Dave my ass-" Dave stopped to remember that phrase for later ironic purposes before stifling a very uncool chuckle. "This is MY room, you are MY guardian, you should be taking care of me, not turning my room into 'Shitty Sword Central', so get your sorry little behind out of this room or I will PERSONALLY remove the parts that mark you male!" Dave turned his chair around and faced the wall opposite, sulking.

Bro strode angrily over, spun Dave around and gripped the handles of his chair tightly. He stared Dave right in the eye and said strictly, "Dave. You're right. I am your guardian. Let me finish talking before you flip the fuck out next time. I'd never leave you on the streets to fend for yourself. I fucking love you. Platonically." He added. "Stridercest is weird."
Dave sat fuming in his seat. After a moment he had an idea.
"How about you clear out Dirk's room?" Dave asked. "It's right next door to you so you don't have to go too far to gaze pathetically at those shitty swords of yours! I still don't see why you can't just keep them in the fridge."
Bro gasped.
"Dave! I could never do that!"
Dave's anger hit a record high. We're talking worldwide here.
"Why, because he's got the exact same DNA as you rendering him your very own clone?"
"No, I don't favour either of you!" Bro insisted. He let go of Dave's chair handles and straightened up.
"It's just that his room... It's - it's... Orange..."

Dave raised an eyebrow. "Your point being?

"Dave... Orange is my favorite color."

"Bro. Bro. My-my eye is twitching. You can't see it behind my shades, but it is twitching non-stop."