The Alcoholic

Waking up in the morning is not that easy for me because I'm an alcoholic . Every morning before leaving the house I just must have a drink because I feel like if I can't go on without  alcohol.This only happens because scientifically  speaking my doctor said my body built a tolerance for it. But whatever who cares about scientifically what ever that means, anyways back to the story.Sometimes when i don't have money I steal from my mom and dad.

 I'm only seventeen so they're waiting until I'm eighteen to through me out .But to tell ya the truth I think i might just leave before that. I just get depressed with my parents and sisters sometimes. I often curse and carry on crazily with them.You wanna no the true story in how I became an alcoholic well here it is. My dad drinks allot too. I didn't just do it all on my own. He would come home from work drink allot then he would start cursing.He would get so in-raged that he would just call me and my sisters from sleep.Then go barging into their room drag my mom by the hair and start beating her mercilessly.Me and my sisters would cry but that was all we could do.

 After a while I just didn't no what to do to get the pain away. I started cutting myself taking pain killers,beating myself but it just never seemed to take the pain away. So one day i thieved a  little sip from the scotch bottle well that was it I found my medication to take the pain away.It felt so good for once in my life to have something i could rely on to always make me feel better.

I mean i feel bad that I have to go down this road but I really don't have that much control over myself anymore.I want to do good in school so me, my mom and my sisters could move out of poverty and live a better life I tried once but I started to feel shaky and delirious. I get into allot of trouble lately and I can't even understand most of the work my teachers teach. I used to be an A student It hurts me so much now. I'm sick now with all that drinking I have stomach all-sores so I have to to the doctor often my mom can't even afford all this. It depresses me allot  I just drink alcohol and let it all out but inside i feel like to die and someday my doctor says it would happen and sadly I can't stop myself. I'm writing this journal so my mom and sisters could see the real me and how much I love them and don't want them to make this mistake I made. Now we'll just wait to see if the alcohol kills me or If i do it all myself.

Yours truly,

Leanna Scott... with lots of love xoxo