Hakuouki - A Butterfly in Your Sky ( Okita Souji x OC )

Prologue: If I can't fly...

Hello, beautiful people! Welcome to my first fanfiction - ever. *yay* ! 
I really am trying my best to make this interesting to read. 
Bear with me, it get's more exciting from now on :) 
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Prologue

"I will be waiting for you."
"Even for all these years?"
"Forever."
He hugged me tighter. "I promise."

He whispered, leaning his head down to mine and kissing me gently on the forehead.

"Forever."

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The mirror did not present a pleasant picture; at least not for my eyes. The room was gloomy, dark but enlightened by candles, well enough to watch the dead smile on my lips tremble as I stood in front of this broken appearance. I promised myself not to cry anymore, though I had to admit, that my promises did not mean much to myself. Everything that once formed the light in my heart had shrunk down to nothing more but this small offer of vision, created by the candles in this room. It was gone. Suddenly, I realized how I did not belong to this world. I understood, that everything I had done so far was caused by nothing but the hope for catching this illusion that I was hunting. Foolishly. Blind. What had I been hoping for? What was it, that I wanted so badly? I thought I could manage to fill this gap that was grieving inside of me, the shell yet filled with emptiness. Why did it always feel like I would never be able to reach it? I didn't know what it was that I had been seeking for, but I did know, that I was not able to get to it; that no matter what, there would always be this small gap not willing to be filled.
But now I stood in front of this mirror, pushing memories back and forth in my mind. Had he also been an illusion? I knew for sure that it was naive and childish to think this way, but I also knew that he started to grow to a special importance in my life. I knew that he was someone very dear to me and that he was standing inside of this gap in my heart, smiling his evil smile like he always did, his green eyes focusing me, as he told me he would kill me. Was it really too foolish to hope?

The unfamiliar voice calling my name silently entered the room as its owner slowly slid the door open. "It's time now."
I exhaled the breath I didn't know I was holding and yet could not loosen my eyes from that image in the mirror. It was over, wasn't it? I took the needle out of my hair which fell down in golden waves. The pin was so pretty yet disgusting at the same time. I used to love cherry blossoms once, now I stared at this small piece of decor with hatred. My breath was shaking, almost not audible but loud enough to recognize my shivers. I once wanted a life. But now that I looked at my pale face, painted white from the powder, and the red lips that were shaking under the pressure of my fear, I had only one question left: Was I really scared? I felt nothing. Even as the loud shot hit the building and the roof was trembling, a vibration that took down the set of tins and small boxes next to me, I did not react. I did not realize the war that had started. I only knew about the war inside of me and that I did not want to marry this person and that I didn't want to become what they were about to make me. I didn't want to live in a golden cage, did not want to be called this title anymore. I grew so sick of it. I wanted to be back out there, helping Bunko-Sama with her hut, watching the children playing in the yard. I wanted to be back there on the streets of Kyoto, smelling the takoyaki the people sold, hearing them laugh and sing and argue and watching the men in blue haori chasing the criminals, that thought to rule the somehow dirty but shiny streets.
But most of all did I want to see him again with his green eyes watching me, grinning devilishly even though there was no evil part in him, at all. I wanted to see him.
I so much wanted to see him again. I mumbled his name, feeling tears running down my cheeks.
"Ayaka-sama! Watch out! Kyah!" The katana rushing to my neck created a loud sound surring through the air. The shock shut my eyes down, I couldn't move, only wait for the blade to eradicate my life.

They say the heart dies a slow and painful death.

I felt the pain, I did. But I felt it between the sharp strings, that tied my body down onto a dark shadow.

When your heart dies, it dies within a small light that does not shine anymore but only sparks a small amount of glimmer.

When your heart dies it first turns into this black gemstone that then is nothing more but a prison for your feelings.

But before your heart dies, it has to shine. It shines so brightly that no starlight can over-shine it and no fire burns brighter than the enlightenment you feel inside of you. First, it creates this feeling of joy and hunger. It is a pleasant hunger, warming your chest.
Before a heart dies, it first is happy. Only a happy heart can die. This happy heart then dies a painful, painful death. It eradicates every feeling of happiness inside of you – and it takes its time doing so. It sends more and more knives to stab into your back until there is nothing left.
And once I have been happy, once.
I have been so happy.