It all started with a goodbye.(Book 2)Levixsuicidal! skater!reader(DISCONTINUED)

What happened

Levi's POV

I couldn't. I couldn't just get it out my head. I couldn't close my eyes, pretend it was ok when I knew,very well, that it wasn't. God, how bad I felt. I carried her out that bathroom and ran to the medical room. I was crying and she was dying. It was almost like her life was being drained from her, just like water down the drain. I was terrified.

A week. A monotonous week. For the past week, I've been visiting her. They didn't let me in until today. I'm almost certain that they wouldn't have let me in, if it weren't for Kate, I owe her big time. I'm so thankful she remembered me, and for once in my life, I was grateful that she landed in that hospital all those weeks ago. Obviously, it wasn't because I want her to suffer, absolutely not, but because her and Kate kept in contact after her release and due to that I could see her.

I still can't believe anything I saw. It was...disturbing but it struck emotions, emotions I haven't felt in a while, emotions I thought I'd never feel again. Frankly, destiny had a different plan for me.

Guilt.

I felt guilty. If I had apologised quicker, if only I was there. I wasn't though. I wasn't quick enough, I wasn't there, I wasn't enough. And what can I do about it now? Sit in the corner of a room and bring fresh flowers once in a while, flowers that will be thrown out or put in a different room sooner or later. Tch. 

"Levi?"

"Go away."

"I think we need to talk."

"I don't need to talk"

"It's about her."

"...Sit down."

The ginger sat across from me on the bed. "You can't be like that." She whispered. I clicked my tongue and looked down, around the room, everywhere, just to not meet her amber eyes. "Look at you! You rarely eat, you don't go outside unless it's to go to school-which you nearly never go to-or to visit her!" Her voice rose with each word. "You wouldn't understand." I replied calmly, she scoffed and headed for the door. "She doesn't deserve you. You should open your eyes and look at what's in front of you." And with that, she slammed the door, leaving me both speechless and angry. She deserves everything except what happened to her. Everything but that. I thought.

It was true, of course. All the things Petra said, were in fact true. Levi was falling deeper into a hole he did not intend to be in. Was it depression? Who knew? No one knew what it was, but everyone saw that Levi was changing, changing for the worse.

Time skip 2 weeks (I suck, I know.)

Levi's POV

"Ah, Levi, nice to see you again." I nodded and mumbled my own, quiet greeting. "How are you doing?" The man asked as he sat down behind his desk, indicating to sit down with his hand. I complied and, again, mumbled a small answer of 'yes'. The man sighed. "This is therapy, Levi. I need you to talk to me. I know it's hard but, please, try. I'm here to help." My eyes uncertainly rose up to meet icy blue ones. "I know, I'm sorry, Erwin." I apologised. He smiled and we proceeded with the therapy.

The reason I went to this therapy is because, firstly, Hanji would not, no matter how hard I tried, let me 'fall deeper into that hole' as she said. She told me that right now I'm far down, but they can still reach me and pull me out. Stupid, accurate metaphors. Secondly, I knew that Hanji's fathers friends was a therapist. Hanji convinced me that he was like an uncle to her and that he was incredibly reliable and helpful. To sum up, I owe my life to a freak.

After the therapy, Hanji picked me up. In my opinion I was completely capable of driving, but in hers, I wasn't. I knew better than to argue with the mad scientist, and so, I complied. Hanji was like a mother to me, even though she was only a year older than me. In times like these, I could rely on her more than anyone else in this world right now. She knew her longer than I did, yet she remained stronger. This must be harder on her than it ever could be in me. Yet she remains by my side, comforting me, caring for me and I can't do anything to help her.

This past week, I haven't spoken her name once. I gave the nurse her drivers licence for the paperwork and then I met Kate. Kate let me look at her through the window, she said the doctor didn't allow me to go in. Naturally, that made me hate that doctor, yet I was too tired to argue. When the topic came up, no one dared to speak her name, not even myself. It was like Harry Potter or something. Where I was Harry and she was Voldemort, except in this version, we weren't out to kill each other, we were doing quite the opposite, trying to keep each other alive.

A month after the accident.

Levi's POV

A month now. A month filled with tears, pain and despair. Everyday went like a cycle. Wake up, go to school, come home, eat, shower, visit her, do homework, cry, cry, cry some more, sleep a bit, wake up and cry, pass out, start over. My grades were still going strong and studying took my mind off things. I still attended therapy but I started going out more. I went out to Hanji's parties, lunch with the squad, to Eren's skating competition, out with Kate.

I was worried when I didn't visit her for 3 days. I was too busy having fun and then I got extremely paranoid and scared about the fact I hadn't visited her. I put into my brain that if I don't visit her, I'll stop caring or worse fall for someone else. I know that's stupid and it wouldn't ever happen, but at the time I believed it so much, I ran to the hospital at 3am and stayed next to her bed for about 10 hours before Kate managed to drag me out. I still don't know why they let me stay that long.

With every week that goes past, I lose a bit of her. I forgot her smile, her laugh, the colour of her eyes. A bit of her dies within me everyday. It tears me apart and I dig that hole further. Erwin, Hanji and others who seem to care, though, are persistent and throw dirt into the hole. They're saving me but I don't know if I want to be saved. Every time I go out with them, making new memories, having fun, I lose a bit of her, I forget a bit of her, a bit of her dies, a bit of my feelings die. Now I make sure to kiss her forehead before I leave and when I arrive, to remind myself of my feelings or maybe just that she's alive. I hold her hand and listen out for the pulse.

I miss her, but I'm starting to lose faith that she'll ever wake up.

1234 words.

WELCOME TO THE SEQUEL OF THIS BOOOOK. cough cough. I have a cold. Lol

Ok so anywho, hi there, I hope you'll enjoy this. Please be patient. I don't want to rush this but I don't want the chapters to be too short. I have a feeling that this story could be really short but have longer chapters. I'll make so long ones and some short ones. Also, I'll be jazzing things up, and so you may wanna prepare for feels. I'll try but I'm bad at writing so this is probably gonna go extremely wrong.

This will probably contain some mature/triggering content but I'll try not to swear as much so let's see how that goes.

1354 words if you read the A/N ☺️👋