Patchwork Souls

Nora Caito, 37

    I had been diagnosed with breast cancer for ten years. I attempted to battle it. Mostly for my fifteen year old son, Carlos. He stood by my side everyday before and after school tending to my every need. It came to the point where I could no longer work. I could no longer get up to relieve myself or get food or water. I had to ask Carlos to do those things for me, which I hated, but he was always willing to do.

    Some days he was too busy to come and sit by me. This time, he hadn't visited me for a whole week. I believed that he hated me. "Carlos!" I cried, my voice breaking. He ran into my room, his arms piled high with art supplies. I tried to sit up, wiping the tears from my cheeks. "Darling, what are you doing?"

    "Homework, mama." Then he stood, confused, "Why'd you call me?"

    "I haven't seen you in a week. I thought you had forgotten about me already. I wondered if you had, you know, maybe... Stopped loving me?" The tears started to flow back.

    He dropped everything in his arms, rushing to my bed, "No, mama, don't you ever think that. I will never forget about you, and I will never stop loving you. I've just been very busy with school lately. My teachers expect me to do well on my tests."

    I immediately felt terrible, "I'm sorry, you're right. Go back to your homework darling."

    He nodded, packed up his art supplies, and left, disappearing again for a week only coming in to help with basic human needs..

    He came back in the late afternoon, just after the sun had set. He was struggling with a large canvas, only lit by the light of the television. He carried a large book in his hand. It looked like a huge dictionary. He set the canvas up in front of the television, and I lost all sense of sight. Then he crawled into bed, and turned on the lamp.

    "Hi!" Was said in chorus to me. I squealed in delight, and Carlos helped prop me up to sit. My sister, my mom, and my brother sat in an aura around my bed. The canvas in front of me read We love you Nora! Blue and violet flowers danced around birds and bees. It looked like spring. I realised that I hadn't had a look outside since fall. In my mind, it was still yellows, oranges, and reds, displayed out over the town in shades. The sun setting in bright autumn colours. The warmth of sweaters and scarves and hot chocolate. Had I missed Thanksgiving and Halloween? What about Christmas... What year is it?

    "Carlos?"

    "Yes, mama?"

    "I want to go outside."

    At first he looked at me, completely shocked. "Okay," he nodded. It was a wonder why I didn't have a wheelchair yet. My brother and Carlos lifted me from the bed while my mom and my sister positioned me in a chair. Then they lifted the chair onto a rug, and pulled the rug across the

    I smiled at my son, and he looked down at the book, handing it to me. Across the dusty wooden floors. Underneath the thick layer of dust was a polished and shiny floor that was just dying to come out. I imagined the dust flying out behind me as if I were being pushed down a snowy hill, snow making a beautiful tail to the sled.

When my sister opened the door, a cold breeze met my bare legs. They attempted to lift the chair out the door frame and I held up my hand in protest. Goosebumps crawled up my legs. "I want to stand outside." A bright blinding light came from outdoors.

"Okay, mama." I again had Carlos and my brother on either side, and my sister behind me. They walked me out the door.

It was snowing. It had blizzarded the night before. Snow piled up the steps, and around the porch. The porch was damp. It truly was a white wonderland. I shivered, but I didn't care. I breathed in the fresh and cold air instead of that cramped and dusty house. "Mama, you're so cold. Would you like to go back inside?"