Missing him was... || Jesper "Zven" Svenningsen

Chapter 7: You are not alone

June 26, 12 AM
Origen Gaming House

"Morning May. How are you going?"
"Hey Glenn. I'm fine, thank you." I said without looking from my computer screen.
In a few hours scrims were on plan but I played since 9 AM SoloQ, trying to improve myself. Currently, we were at 9th, only Roccat was worse. Comparing to last split, this was truly a disappointment and it seems like we didn't make any improvements like the others. I know that half of these ties and losses were blamed on me and I felt nothing but guilty for it. That's also the reason why I didn't check any social media sites recently.  I was scared of fan's and other's opinion, scared that everyone will blame me. Not wanting to worry anyone, I kept my concerns to myself. They were probably unimportant anyway, I can only imagine how much problems the others have.
"Food is ready!" Enrique shouted from the kitchen. "We're eating in the garden, we have nice weather outside!"
Oh right, we were supposed to brunch at 12 and scrim afterwards. That's why no one is playing League right now. But I didn't feel any hunger at all and screamed back, "I'm coming after the game."
Although it was a lie, if I'd say I'm not hungry, they'd force me to eat anyway.
Then I took my headphones on and focused on champion select.

An half hour later

"Wieso spielst du noch?! Komm endlich!" ["Why are you still playing?! Come already!"] I heard Tristan coming upstairs and taking my headphones off, without paying attention to my game.
"H-hey, ich bin noch nicht fertig!"
["H-hey, I'm not finished yet!"] I protested heavily and ignored him, paying back attention to the screen.
"Du wolltest gar nicht erst runterkommen, oder?" ["You weren't planning to come in first place, am I correct?"] His emerald green eyes rested dangerously calm on me like he could read my mind with it.
"Vielleicht..." ["Maybe..."] I mumbled without looking at him.
He sighed, now his eyes were filled with concern.
"Is irgendwas oder warum hängst du nicht mehr mit uns ab? Ich meine, das geht schon einige Wochen so. Du redest kaum noch mit uns und isst nicht mal mit und Abendbrot. Wir kriegen dich nur bei Scrims oder beim Analysieren der Spiele zu Gesicht."
["Is something the matter or a specific reason why you don't wanna be with us? I mean, this is going a few weeks already. You barely talk with us or even eat dinner with us. We only see you when we have scrims or are analyzing."] Was I really that obvious so everyone noticed? Or was it just Tristan who knows me the best in this house and can read me like a book.
"Tut mir leid, ich wusste nicht, dass ich sooft abwesend bin und es so rüberkommt, dass ich gar nichts mit euch zu tun haben will. Ich werde jetzt kommen." ["I'm sorry, I didn't noticed that I didn't hang out with you and it looked like I didn't like you. I'll come now."]
It was a half lie, since I played SoloQ all the time, I didn't got the time to do anything else in my free time. And I avoided his question, asking after my reasons, but I'd never tell him. If they knew, they'd wanna help me and they certainly don't have the time for it. It already was a burden to play with me.
Before he could ask further, I already ran the stairs down.

During dinner

Everyone was surprised when I suddenly appeared and took my seat behind Glenn. They tried multiple times to bring me to dinner but every time I just refused and they gave up. But this time I did it because Tristan would've force me to speak about my current concerns which I wanted to avoid at all costs.
"I knew it! Only Tristan is able to convince May to do anything." Nico said and laughed.
"Yeah, I guess so." I jokingly agreed and the others joined laughing.
In reality, I didn't want to eat at all and forced myself to eat at least a smaller plate of noodles.
Everyone was chatting around, just I kept my silence.
"Does the food taste not good or why did you eat so little?" Suddenly Glenn nudged me who probably saw how unenthusiastically I pecked my food.
"What? But Peke made it and everyone in this house loves his food." Maurice objected.
"He's right." I agreed with him and it wasn't even a lie. "You're seeing things Glenn, I simply had too much already and can't eat more."
Surprisingly nobody seemed to disagree with me, so they just continued their talk while Glenn still  had a doubtfully face but didn't say anything.
After lunch I excused myself and went up to my room.