Missing him was... || Jesper "Zven" Svenningsen

Chapter 11: Facing the truth

Silence.

Luka just said he likes me, Luka just said he's in love with me...

I was a loss for words. Not even in a negative way, I just felt confused, because I expected everything, but this. For me, this came out of nowhere and I was unsure how to react.
But judging from his looks, he definitely was serious about what he said.

"Do you really mean that?" I still asked in a whispering voice.

This made Luka sighing heavily which confused me a lot because I didn't know what reaction he anticipated of me. Did he thought I would fall in his arms in full of joy?!

"Of course I do. And I stand by my words, 100 %." His dark orbs gazed into mine and I saw now signs of a lie.
"Remember when we first met? It was at Jesper's birthday and we got forced to sing karaoke together. It was awkward as hell, but somehow we managed to do it well. And then we talked the whole time because we were the only underage there. When our conversation ended, I desperately wanted to know who you are as a person. You always acted so mysterious and cold, but in this night it was the first time I had the chance to learn more about you. Suddenly I had access to the person May and not the rumored e-slut everyone is suspecting. It changed my whole opinion on you.
I don't even know when I started crushing on you, but sometime you started to grow on me a lot. At some point I realized that I was texting you every day since I messaged you. It might sound stupid to say that I developed feelings in such a short time, but in this short time we interacted, I learned so much about you and spent so much time together, I seriously don't know what this is, but I don't regret knowing you."

His speech gave me goosebumps. It was true, we texted every day for hours and he was there for me when I needed a confidence boost or cheered me up when it didn't go well in LCS. I remember how he saw me in my weakest and most vulnerable state in the hospital. From this moment, I began to trust him with all my heart. He never acted like the cocky kid I memorized, all the time he replaced the confidant I lost in the beginning of the split until the last time we stood here.

"I-I still don't get you!" I stated frustratingly. "You say you have feelings for me, yet you abused my trust to your own benefit."

Luka's eyes were full of regret and hopelessness. "I never meant to hurt you, really. In the beginning, I was only interested in the truth of your relationship with Jesper."

He said it. Now there was no escape anymore. I noticed his desperate sound in his voice which begged me to stay, to listen to him. One day I'm forced to speak about it, right? I can't run away from my problems every time they come up.

"The truth is that Glenn only told you half of the truth. I always suspected something between Jesper and you. Remember, earlier this year we all hang out together and you were always laughing together and never really left his side. I'm not gonna lie, you could've been mistaken as a couple. Obviously, I was quite confused when I saw how you ignored him at his birthday and didn't even congratulate him properly.
The day after his birthday party pretty much confirmed it. I had a conversation with Jesper about you. And when he saw us on a picture, he began to act suspicious. When I asked him about you, he assured that you were nothing but former teammates. But one time we talked with the team about you and Alfonso claimed that you were really close. Then we began to tease him about it and asked further questions, but all of the sudden he reacted snappy and refused to talk about you. Even when Alfonso was just joking, he didn't find that funny at all. At that moment I knew there was more behind this and I wanted to know what. And this is the real reason why I involved Glenn in this.
But I kept my real intentions as a secret, because based on Jesper's reaction, there must've been something serious between you and I didn't want to make any trouble.
Instead I told him that I wanted to do this because of the rumors everyone was talking about and somehow I convinced him to do this and we began to get closer to you.
Eventually, I know how fucking dumb this sounds and how this was really a dick move of me. When we began to interact more, I realized that I should've never done this in the first place, because not only was I invading your private life which is none of my business, but also betrayed your trust and this makes me a terrible person. And I really stopped doing it, I didn't want to lose you. I want you to know that I never wanted anything bad, in the end I ended up falling for you and I don't know how to deal with the fact that you can't even look straight into my face anymore without looking sad and hurt."