Missing him was... || Jesper "Zven" Svenningsen

Prologue

"Mithy and I are leaving OG and we're going to play with G2 now."

Why? What was the reason of that? Why are they doing this to the team? I have so many questions which I didn't asked yesterday. Maybe because I was so shocked at this moment and unable to speak. Or maybe because I felt so betrayed by Alfonso and Jesper.
I still remember how Maurice, Paul and Tristan reacted like me. They didn't say a single word and were just quiet. Unlike the management who probably were the only one who knew about their decision.
But nobody said something and an awkward pause happened. But then Maurice stood up and went in his room. Shortly afterwards Paul went outside and Tristan was following. The botlane stood up as well, but before that, Jesper was giving me a quick gaze. He was looking deep into my eyes whose were full of betrayal, sadness and anger.
Did our time together even mattered when he didn't wanna tell me of this? Was I even important to him? The more I think about this, the more I have the feeling of being nothing to him.

Jesper and I first met on SoloQ in April 2015. As a botlane, we were destroying the whole Challenger League and after that he told me that he's impressed by my skill. I was fangirling hard because a compliment by an AD Carry whose team just got recently in LCS was huge for me at that time. We played DuoQ in the off season a lot, skyped together and our friendship was growing. When he found out that I was living in Berlin, he invited me to the Origen Gaming House. I was surprised that he already trusted me so fast. The team gave me a warm welcome as well and I visited them more often. I became a trainings partner for them and I improved a lot. In summer 2015 I finally finished school and Origen offered me a spot as a substitute player even though I wasn't even 17 at this time. I accepted and with the blessings of my parents, I moved to the Origen Gaming House. I got a lot of offers from Challenger teams in EU and NA because I was climbing the ladder with the practice of Origen. But I refused them all and when I got 17 in November 2015, I officially became the substitute Support for Origen.

During this time I also got the chance to know Jesper better. It didn't take long and I fell for the blonde Dane. But being in a relationship with him was never an option for me because I knew how busy LCS players are. The more surprising I was, when someday we both met in the bathroom, because we wanted to brush our teeths and our eyes locked. Then he began to kiss me. Or maybe it was me, I don't even know it nowadays. But it was one of the most beautiful moments I've ever had.
After this incident we were continuing doing this, but we told nobody about us. The fear was just too big for getting judged by the others. But one day we forgot to lock the door and Enrique caught us while Jesper was sitting on the toilet lid and me on his lap because he was almost 30 cm (11.81 inches) bigger than me. First we were all shocked, but then Enrique gave us a mischievous smirk, whispering "hope you backdoor her soon" and left.
So Enrique was the only one who knew about us, but nobody knew about the times when I sneaked into his room and was just lying in his bed with him and he was holding me tight. Nobody knew how I encouraged him after a loss. We were like a secret which can't be exposed.
But then he broke me like his promises. Promises of being with me forever.
I miss him. More than anything in this world. Missing him was... Yeah, how does it even feel?